Setting the Boundaries

So I feel completely terrible because we haven’t posted in a long time, but as you can see we’re back!!!!

lover

Anyway, I was talking to my best friend Joshua today and somehow we got onto the topic of labels. He was explaining that he was having a conversation with some girl he has been dating on and off for the past few months. During this conversation he asked the girl why females no longer believe in labels, or how could she be mad at him (or any male) if there were no set boundaries in the first place. So I asked him:

Are you a label whore?

Now I didn’t mean would he let anything other than Prada and Gucci touch his body. I meant was he one of the few boys left on this earth that believed in having a titled relationship. His response was quite interesting.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a label whore but I would like to know whats going on. I won’t flaunt the fact that I am in a relationship, but if people ask I will tell them. But in reality I need to know what I can and cannot do.”

Okay well that makes sense, but in general females are usually the ones to wait to hear what the man has to say. Especially in terms of whether or not the “talking” we are doing means that we are dating. So does this mean that now that men are sick of dictating and want us to take charge?

Joshua then went on to say, “people associate boyfriends and girlfriends with something negative. It is either because they broke up with one, one did them wrong, or something of the like. People talk about their significant others in a negative way which then makes others look at them negatively. That’s not cool because I haven’t done anything to her or really her friends for that matter.”

So what is he saying? That we should be in relationships? That because they have a negative connotation that we should just leave them alone?

If no one sets the ground rules then everyone is confused. There is a gray area and one person may be treading lightly and being devoted while the other is doing whatever comes to mind. If neither one of them set boundaries or state that they are in a relationship, then really there is no point in getting mad when the other does something you don’t like.

“If we are always calling and hanging out with each other and then all of a sudden I stop calling her, I shouldn’t be in the wrong. I shouldn’t be in the wrong because I didn’t know what lines to cross or not to cross.” Joshua said.

Then another very relevant and interesting question came up. He asked me (because Joshua can talk and I rarely get a word in otherwise when he starts going) This generation is not into labels, does that make the whole dating/talking seen better? Or should we try to be like our elders and take risks?

Well after another 10 minutes or so of rambling and going back and forth we came to the conclusion that this generation is scared of rejection and ultimately failure. Taking the risk of talking to that boy you think is cute in the cafeteria, or approaching that girl in the library is too difficult because if they say no then its like the world has crashed. I know for a fact that I have been saved from a lot of heart ache and failures by mom. But although she has done a great job of keeping me from completely destroying my life. But how far will that get us in life? Not very far, because if as a person you think that is one of the biggest failures in life, that’s the least of your worries.

Go for what you want and when you get it make sure that everyone is on the same page. Failing is just a bump in the road, but it doesn’t mean your car is totaled. Check to make sure your tires are okay and keep moving in your life.

-Averi Simone

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One thought on “Setting the Boundaries

  1. everything L&L says:

    I don’t think it’s is just about rejection I think it has a something to responsibility as well. When you take on a title or you give someone a label part of you becomes responsible for that person. We are afraid of responsibility, we are afraid that if you make someone yours, you will be held accountable, you can’t just exit stage left, things become more complex. You have to explain and god forbid be responsible.

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