Pre-Spain Blues….

I told my mom how excited I was to see people I graduated high school with doing great things. I was explaining to her how seeing other people do great really gets me excited and happy. A quality that seems like many do not have. So she turns to me and says “I understand what you are saying but who is excited for you? You are doing excellent in school, you have two majors, and you are about to go to Spain for a whole semester!”

I told her my friends were excited, some even jealous, but I didn’t tell the whole world that I was going. I feel like the most successful people move in silence and don’t tell all they are doing. Am I right? Was it right not to tell my “followers” on Instagram and Twitter that I am going to Spain? I only told my Facebook friends because at least I know majority of them. She just seemed so disappointed.

Often time it does feel like I am the one always getting excited for other people and others not reciprocating the same feeling. Or even remotely the same. This blog is where I can tell the truth right? Well sometime I do feel all alone and that I do not make a big enough impression on people that they would notice if I were to pack up and leave. I feel this way off and on every now and then.

I started to cry. Like headache, vein pooping out of my forehead cry. Why? Because sometime I feel all alone and nobody cares about me but my parents and grownups who are supposed to say things like “I’m so proud of you.” and “You are growing into a beautiful young woman.” My peers on the other hand don’t seem to see or think the same thing. So what do I do? I’ve cried more tears than I care to count, and clearly I am not letting it stop me from doing what I want to get where I am going. So what do I do to keep pushing? Here are a few things:

CRY – I never tell people not to cry, sometime you have to let it out. Honestly, I probably cry at least once a month because all of the pressure and emotions are built up in my system and I can’t hold it anymore. My dad used to ask me, “What does crying fix?” (it doesn’t have to fix anything. It just makes you feel better)

MUSIC – Yes lawd! Music is my best friend and when I listen to it in the shower while I am crying, It’s like I am just cleansing everything.

SCRIPTURE – I will admit my bible knowledge is not the best. But when I have a strong feeling I usually turn to the bible to try to understand how or in what way I should handle something.

DANCING – I LOVE to dance!! It just takes your mind off of everything and you forget why you were upset.

WRITING – Welp, I am writing this post aren’t I?!? My posts come better when I am in some sort of mood.

I may not be remembered in the world but I will take every dip and bump in this game called life with a grain of salt. Yes, I will learn something from each bump but I, and you, can’t let it keep you from plan your next move. Never let them see you down for too long. Steven Furtick said “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everybody else’s highlight real.” My dad put it another way, “We only let people see what we want them to see.” We all know those people that always portray that they are down and out, or the people who seem to always have it together. Its okay to let your lows show, we are all human everyone has lows. Just remember not to stay low for too long.

Needless to say, I really don’t care if the people that are not close to me are happy that I am going abroad for a semester. I am going anyway. That’s whats wrong with the world now, we need satisfaction from strangers. I am happy with my decision and my mom and dad are ecstatic! Not to mention the other ladies of Ladies and Company are super stoked as well. That’s all I need. I will keep you all updated on my travels as best I can. Otherwise, te veré en mayo!

Until next time,


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