Prior to dating my current boyfriend, deep deep deep down inside, I hated relationships, with burning passion. I always felt like I was putting in more effort than I was receiving and that they weren’t really worthy of my precious God given time. So for a while I just kinda stopped dating, I mean I still talked to guys here and there, but nothing serious. And if I am being completely honest with myself, I knew I was wasting my time with these guys. Sure they were nice, but no one I wanted to be with long term, or even be serious with. So once I was out of that phase I decided that I needed to make some boundaries or better standards for myself when it came to dating. The rules I made, if I do say so myself, worked out pretty well because I am now dating the most amazing guy on Earth.
So here we go.
- You must really intimately know him for at least 2-3 months before beginning to date him. – I knew that being in a serious long term relationship meant that we would first have to be extremely good friends. People always say that the best relationships come from friendships. So I figured why not test this theory.
- He must meet all of your serious dating MUST HAVE checklist – No, I’m not talking about that superficial checklist where the guy has to be 6’6, basketball player, with a sensitive soul. I’m talking about the things he must have to even be considered in these dating games like honesty, respect, humbleness, etc.
- Effort must be shown consistently. – Both parties are involved in this. Relationships in my opinion are 100/100, and I refuse to be giving 100, and he’s only giving 50. It makes no sense and leaves one person hurt, usually the person who is putting forth the effort.
- Never settle for less than butterflies. – I feel like I deserve to be wow-ed. Dating today has become boring and effortless and not in a good way. I knew I wanted a long term relationship with someone who floored me all the time. Not necessarily with materialistic things, with like good-morning phone calls, random flowers, cute little notes, compliments, surprises, etc.
- Your gut must say yes too. – Sometimes a guy can have everything you want and need and STILL BE WRONG FOR YOU! Trust me I know! Listen to your womanly intuition, and trust it, because 8/10 it’s right. If your gut is say stay clear, STAY CLEAR!
What I’ve learned keeping these boundaries and standards, is that the right guy for you will meet all these and more. These standards are not asking for too much, Serious, long term relationships are nothing like in the movies, where you meet him, the next day fall in love, and then have earth shattering sex, and then everything is great, and ya’ll live happily ever after. I mean, it is a possibility that it could end up that way, but it is also a possibility that it won’t. Relationships take five important components: Communication, Time, Commitment, Effort, Consistency, and Fun. Communication is valuable and needed for any relationship to flourish. Its not about how much you talk, rather the QUALITY of the conversation. Without communication your relationship will not work. It’s literally that simple, so if you’re struggling in this domain like do not pass go do not collect $200 do not go on to the next level because you’re not ready for for a serious relationship. You both have to put in the time and effort into the relationship, its really that simple. You are going to have to be there for that person, and it shouldn’t feel like a burden, you should want to be there for your significant other. Relationships shouldn’t feel like work, they should feel more like an extension of your happiness. Your happiness, and your significant others happiness should expand over each other kinda like a Venn Diagram. Similarly a true, real, genuine relationship should swirl into each other. Relationships should make you a better person, well rounded, want to achieve more, not the opposite. And with that one of the main things I am doing in my not new relationship is that I’m making sure I don’t lose who I am, and what I want to become, and he doesn’t lose who he is, or what he wants. Making sure we achieve our individual’s dreams and goals, so we don’t lose ourselves is apart of our healthy relationship. So in essence my truth on relationships, maybe different, but it has truly worked for me, and I hope it can work for you too!