So I started reading this book tonight called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. And I’m on page 325/463. It’s about this girl who commits suicide, and then basically records on cassette tapes basically all the reasons why she did it. Basically people’s actions, indirectly caused her To take her life.* so basically the story follows this boy named Clay, and he receives the tapes. Now the only way a person could get the tapes is if they are on the list, and there is a story about the person. So I’m at the part where she is talking about Clay, and it’s so incredibly sad. Because if only Clay hadn’t been so shy, and think she was so far out of his league, he might have been able to save her. ** she talks about how great of a person he was, and how nobody has anything bad to say about him. And how when she first meets him and really has their first conversation she revels at how easy he is to talk to, and then the book switches back to his point of view and how guilty he feels about not stepping up to talk to her sooner. And I feel for him so much, because that would kill me to have that happen to someone I want to get to know, and admire and care for so much from afar. It hurts. I hurt for Clay. I’m crying for Clay. It’s just crazy how someone’s actions, no matter how big or small affect a person. My heart is literally aching for him. Why do I feel like this? This is too sad. I want to scream. It’s so sad. This is too much, Clay blaming himself, because he might of been the only person who could’ve saved her. Gosh my heart aches for Clay, he didn’t deserve that.
*NOTE: I don’t plan on, or want to take my life, ever. Life gets hard, yes but I don’t want to end my life. Just like a note.
** NOTE: I’m hyperventilating at this point of writing this. And I don’t know why. I’m crying like bawling, and I literally cannot stop.
Fast forward to when I actually finish the book. At 1:57AM. So let me explain, above is an excerpt, well not really an excerpt but a post in my journal, while I was reading the book I felt overwhelmed and I needed a break, or release. So I put it in my journal. THIS book was amazing but incredibly sad. I’m still coming down from the feels but damn. This book literally changed my whole outlook on life. It literally shows you how exactly someone who thinks their actions were nothing significant, turn out to be super significant in someone else’s life. I could not put this book down, I started it around 10:30 the night before and just could not stop reading. When I read I become super invested in the characters, and they become apart of who I am. The characters in this book definitely will be with me for a while. This book literally had me in tears, smiling, hyperventilating, all over the place. Emotional roller coaster to the max! But it definitely had, and will continue to have an impact on me. The book is set up basically Hannah, talking to Clay (I don’t want to give to much away, so I’m being vague), and Clay’s reactions to what she says. The book aesthetic and set up was flawless. I thought when I started reading I would be a little confused, but no it was great and easy to read. So I kinda gave a summary earlier in this post so I’m not going to repeat myself.
This book really really touched me. It is crazy to me and so heartbreaking to think there are people out there in the world who feel like this, and are going through similar situations like this. If you are going through something get help. Talk to someone. Any one. Read this book. Call the suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE. Visit the website www.hopeline.com. Get through the next fifteen minutes. You are so loved, and needed in this world. Trust me. I need you. We need you.
Keep It Classy,