So it’s been officially a week (and a few days) of no social media!
I thought I would have this miraculous feeling of freedom and motivation but I don’t. I honestly feel almost the same as I did with social media, but I will say I don’t feel this invisible audience watching me all the time or criticizing my pictures or snaps. I felt like I always had this enormous pressure on my social media to say the right things, only post the most perfect pictures with the perfect caption – not because I’m a perfectionist (I mean, I am, but that’s not the reason), but because I want to be a person and source of inspiration to people. I want people to say “seeing you be great, inspires me to keep pushing towards my dreams and goals.”
However, people (including myself) get caught up in other’s folks perceived perfection. I’ll be the first to admit I’m struggling with that. We don’t see all the hard word, blood, sweat, and tears that went into a person’s achievements. I want to be more transparent about my life and my struggles (which is honestly why I blog). There is this weird strength I feel when I am vulnerable with people – and if (or when) I go back to social media I want to integrate more of that vulnerability.
So, I went to the beach on Friday and I really wanted to snap chat the moment because it was so beautiful and peaceful. This was the first time since getting off social media that I really debated downloading it all back. I just sat for about an hour and a half and read my book Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult in silence. It was so wonderful (until this lady and her 5 obnoxious and loud children decided to sit wayyyyyy too close to me – but that’s another story). And it just kinda hit me (while writing this) is that those private moments when it’s just God, me and nature are somewhat destroyed as soon as I share it on social media. The special and precious moment then becomes God, me, nature and my 150 snap chat followers, plus my 1,000 IG followers plus whoever else follows me on various other platforms. (I know I’m contradicting myself by sharing a picture – I’m not perfect! It was a beautiful day!) There’s something to be said about moments that only you have the privilege of knowing. It’s like holding on to and protecting the last bit of privacy you have in the world. It’s sacred.
I’m not going to lie, some days I really miss social media because it’s great entertainment and time consuming (especially since I’m not doing much these days). But also because it helped connections with my friends. Instead of having to check in with them by way of a call or text, you can just check their social media and be kept up to date about what they’re doing. And that’s the part that sucks, I thought more of my friends would’ve noticed that I wasn’t on social media (especially since I notice when they’re not on as much).
It’s only been a week and some change, maybe it’ll be different soon. I also am finding that I’m just holding my phone sometimes – just staring at it like, “what do I do with this thing now?” I also think I’m getting addicted to playing games on my phone, so I might have to delete those soon too.