Dear To Swirl or Not,

Bonjour Ladies & Company. Me and my beau have been together for about a year. He’s a really good guy and we want to commit. The problem is my family. They don’t approve because he isn’t Black. They have always been very proud of their heritage. Should I accept his proposal or not. I’m so confused. – To Swirl Or Not

Dear To Swirl or Not,
Love has no color, shape or size! Times have changed and we are all free to express our love freely with whoever we want too. If a man loves you and treats you right you should definitely accept the proposal because these days a good man is hard to find. If you family loves you at the end of the day they probably just want to see you happy. They might not approve at first and may even push away for some time but I’m sure they’ll definitely come around. Sometimes families or individuals can be stuck in the past but love conquers all. Your family may not be open to interracial dating but once they see how this man values their daughter, they will have to open their minds to change. Love has no racial identity and I’m a big supporter of interracial relationships. At the end of the day I’d pray on it because God has the final say so! I can understand the difficult in this situation because you don’t want to have to choose between love and family. Family does mean a lot to me and their opinion would matter a great deal but if that’s the man God sent to you, it’ll all work out in due time and God will change the hearts of your family to be more open minded.

Open to Love,

Arielle Rochell 

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Dear Wanting to Know,

Hola friends, I have a general question, just to get your opinions, and feedback on. How many sex partners it too many for a female? Or even a male? – Wanting to Know

Dear Wanting to Know,

At one time probably two because then it gets a little messy and then spreading diseases may occur and it’s just not a good idea in my opinion. How many is too many over a lifetime? I would say you have to use your discretion. For males and females think about what kind of person you want to be perceived as, when you feel as though you are becoming a person you don’t want to be then it’s probably a good idea to stop and reevaluate your actions.
Peace Love and Harmony,
Averi Simone

Dear Friends or more?

Hi Ladies, So I dated this guy like three years ago, and due the distance we broke up (I went to another country). We still remained friends, i mean best friends even! We can both be freely ourselves, as Christians. We are both waiting until marriage for sex and stuff. And it was a genuinely great time together. But now he’s coming to the same country as me to study. We’ve considered redating but I fear young people may judge our relationship because he’s a year younger than me. I mean he’s going to be at a completely different university as a freshman, and freshman year consists of A LOT of partying. Do I continue as friends with him, or date him and risk our good friendship? – Friends or more?

Dear Friends or More,

I would say follow your heart. Don’t worry about what other people will think about him being younger than you. I have dated men younger than me and nobody ever judged me for going younger. If you walk in confidence and feel comfortable about dating a younger man than nobody will even notice that he is younger, but if you walk around feeling like people are judging you then they will. As TdotRenae’s mother advised us, “You want a man that is younger than you because then you can train him to be the way you want him to be.” This is great advice because it makes sense and it is doable within a maturity level. If he is mature enough to be trained and still act his age then you have a keeper. I hope this helps!
Peace, Love & Harmony,
Averi Simone

Dear Middle School Love Affair,

Hi Ladies, I met this guy in middle school and had a huge crush on him. We dated a short time and he dumped me. Years later after high school, we reconnected and dated. I thought I was going to marry this man, and have his children. We had problems and I thought we could work them out but time and time again I found myself being dumped. I feel like he still is in love with me and cares about me. And I feel the same way. It’s been over a year since we’ve broken up. What do I do? – Middle School Love Affair.

Dear Middle School Love Affair,

There is only one thing you can really do: Let it goooooo, let it gooooooo! I’m sure you have an outfit from middle school that you used to LOVE but would never in a million years wear again today! This guy is just like that Roca-wear tee or Apple Bottom jeans that you were so in love with back then. Sure he’s fond memories and I’m sure he was your first love which is sweet. But you had a different mindset in middle/high school and I would hope that your taste in men has developed just as your taste in clothes has. If you have tried the same thing with the same guy time and again and still found yourself dumped, then you are knocking on the door to an empty house honey and you’ve got to move on. Discover what else is out here in this great big world! Don’t waste your time trying to rekindle an old flame. Leave it behind, look on it fondly, build on the experience to make you a better person in your next relationship. Out with the old and in with the new.

Nothing But Love,

– Aliah

Dear Someone’s Everything,

Hi Ladies and Company, I just wanted to know ya’ll opinion. Is the saying “there’s someone for everyone,” really true? Is it really a perfect relationship partner out there in the world for everyone? Or is that just something ya’ll have forced yourself to believe? – Someone’s Everything

Dear Someone’s Everything,

As a Christian, I was raised to believe that God has a divine plan for everyone. For some, God may have a perfect partner and for others He might have some other plan outlined for you. Whether you are a Believer or not, I have found it to be true that you shouldn’t force life to do what you want it to do, whether that means with your relationship, friends, work or anything at all. We often have this tendency as women to fantasize and romanticize our futures, which is fine until we limit ourselves to our dream plans. Looking for the “perfect partner” will lead you to disappointment because trust me, no one is perfect. Is there someone for everyone? Maybe, but take my advice: focus on yourself first. Live life and enjoy every second of it without worrying about adding another person into your mix. One of my favorite quotes is “what is for you, will not pass you.” So do not be distracted by what you think is passing you or what you think you might be missing out on. Enjoy where you are and who you are with because each moment is a precious gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Nothing But Love,

– Aliah

Dear What should I do,

Hi, I’ve been in a rollercoaster relationship for YEARS now. It started off so promising! As most relationships do. We both fell in love, or atleast I did, and he says he did. But then after a while, he says he just fell out of love with me. We’ve walked out of each other’s lives a few times, but always seem to manage to hold on to the physical part, not necessarily sex, but cuddling and all that good stuff. My wants never change so I don’t understand why he keep coming back. Like thinking I would be okay with just sex! What should I do? I am still very much in love with him, and every time he comes back, I literally relive the memories and times of when we were good… – What should I do?

Dear What should I do,

If he is not giving you what you want or need then I would let it go. You may have to fight to let it go, but I’d let it go. There is no reason to wait around and keep trying to make the same thing work over and over again. Odds are it will be painful to let go off the thought of you two being together. When you let him go you won’t be letting go of those feelings with him so it may hurt a little. But that is the price we pay when we fall for the wrong guy. Love is a gamble, we win some and we lose some. When we lose it hurts like crap, but when we win it’s unimaginable.

And if you let it go, let it go for good. Don’t hold on to the physical stuff, no cuddling, no sex, no constant communication. I would just cut everything off so that you can start to rebuild yourself completely separate from him and with no distractions.

Let the memories remain memories and build yourself the future that you want. Don’t dwell on the past, but build a new thing.

-Heather 🙂

Dear Age Aint Nothing But A Number

Hello Ladies and Company, So recently I started dating this guy. He’s super amazing, but the only problem is he’s 26, and I’m 19. Do you think that my age will become an issue with him? Or friends and family? – Age Aint Nothing But A Number?

Hey, Age Aint Nothing But A Number! Well, I will tell you like my dad told me, “You can’t have friends or date 3 years older than you, or two years younger than you.” He then went on to explain the reason. He explained how he used to hang out with people five years older than him and he missed out on a lot of experiences that kids his age were supposed to have.

Right now it is probably fun and exciting to date an older guy, however because you are 19 and he 26 you both are in different places in your lives. He is most likely working on his career and you are trying to have fun while in college. You are probably going to get tired of him not having time for you and he being upset that you “play too much.” I’m not telling you to break up with him, but I want you to be aware of the things that may happen later down the road.

Peace, Love & Harmony,

Averi Simone

Dear Depressed and Ready to Mingle

Hi Ladies & Co., I have recently been diagnosed with depression. But I really don’t want it, or like for it to define me. I haven’t been in a relationship in over a year, but I feel as if I would like to start getting out there again. How should I go about it? Like no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that could be so negative all the time. – Depressed and ready to mingle?

Dear Depresses and ready to mingle,

If you want to be in a relationship I would first make sure that you want it for the right reasons. Make sure that you won’t be using a relationship as a way to get through your depression. You must first learn to manage your depression on your own before you bring someone else into the mix. Make sure you are aware of yourself and your feelings. You want to be able to communicate what is going on in your life you’re your partner effectively and in a timely manner.

I don’t think being diagnosed with depression should stop you from getting back into the dating world I just think that they are some things you need to make sure you will be able to do in a relationship. Make sure you will be able to support your partner despite your feelings. I believe that communication and understanding will be vital in the relationship. Find someone who understands and is able to console you when you need it. And who is strong enough on his own to be able to be strong for the both of you when you are not. You need someone who is just as committed to you and helping you to create and maintain a stable relationship as you are.

And then there’s always trying to be positive. Even though you may have negative thoughts that does not mean those thoughts can’t be counteracted by positive ones. I challenge you to flip every negative thought that comes to you mind into a positive one and then to either say that positive thought aloud or write it down and read it.

I wish you the best. Love endures all things,

– Heather

Dear Dealing Wit Da Ex,

Hi. So my ex and I broke up, a little over a year ago now. I just recently started talking to someone new, and he’s so awesome and amazing and loving and just great! But now my ex wants to come back. He is blaming me for him cheating.. Like he says if i didn’t call and text all the time, or be around him all the time, he wouldn’t have gotten bored and cheated on me. Like what? My new guy is ready to snap on my ex (which is kinda cute). But I dont want any problems with us to start with, ESPECIALLY if its from my past relationship. How do i handle this without it escalating with my new man getting involved? – Dealing Wit da Ex.

Hey Girl!

First off congrats on the new boo – he sounds like such a winner! Second, your ex sounds like a major jerk. Cheating because your bored is an excuse, if he wanted to be committed to you, he would’ve been – point blank. That’s not shade to you, its shade to him because he couldn’t be man enough to just leave the relationship, instead he took a coward way out and cheated. Tell your new guy not to worry – I would block your ex on social media and if you have an iPhone block him on there too (if you don’t have an iPhone you can go to your phone company and get his number blocked, or change your number completely) because he doesn’t even deserve to see you happy anymore. Cut all ties with him, and focus all your attention on your new boo, and your happiness!

Keep It Classy, 

T.Renae

Dear Best friends or more,

So hi Ladies and Company, I just graduated [from high school]. And there’s this guy and he has been my boy best friend the whole way through my senior year of high school. He was talking to my friend and having sex with her. But he didn’t want a relationship with her. She thought that she could keep him that way, you know with sex. And me and him being “best friends,” we workout together, go bike riding together, talk on the phone for hours and are always there for each other. I like him a lot but considering the fact that he was kinda with my friend, i dont know. My feelings don’t have an on and off switch. Am I wrong for wanting to be with him, since I’m pretty sure he likes me back but he’s been with my friend? – Best friends or more.

Hi sweetie,

I don’t think that your feelings are wrong, but I would not act on these feelings, for numerous reasons. The first reason is because this is your friend, your boy best friend. You don’t want to jeopardize/ruin your friendship over these feelings, that may or may not be reciprocated. The second reason is because even though they (your boy best friend and your friend) aren’t in a committed relationship, they are still engaging “activities,” which could potentially grow into a relationship (It also could not – we never know with these things). Even though he says doesn’t want to have a relationship with the friend, he’s already smashing. As a woman, and young lady you really only have two options: (1) approach your friend and tell her how you feel and ask her to back off, or (2) tell her how you feel about the best friend and tell her you want her to be happy so you are backing off.

If it was me, honestly I would pull a Frozen and just let it go. You just graduated high school, and there will be plenty more (better) fish in the sea for you!

Keep It Classy, 

T.Renae