Mid-Week Memo: 3/15

“I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart. I am talented. I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.”

– Shonda Rhimes

 

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Sunday Soapbox: Don’t Live In Fear

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Even if the fear is illogical or nonexistent – it still so causes distress on your body. Our bodies are naturally to equip to handle day to day stressors and fears but perpetual fear and stress causes wear and tear on our bodies.

Fear can even cause you not to do things you once enjoyed. I feel like I live in a constant state of fear – I’m afraid of not getting into grad school, letting people who believe in me down, someone hurting me or my brother (or any family for that matter), afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and the list goes on. And it sucks. I feel like always having to push past that fear becomes so overwhelming that it drowns out the other positive feelings in my life.

But as I am living with this fear and learning how to deal with it – I often find that the fears are mostly in my own head – thought up from an overactive imagination. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this fear won’t kill me – it might hurt a little, worry me a lot, and physically cause me to be uncomfortable but I won’t die.

I saw on Pinterest once that you must “starve your fears,” which I didn’t fully understand until now. One of the main ways not to feed your fears, is to do whatever it is that scares you. For me, it’s applying for different programs or asking former professors for letters of recommendations or even going to Walmart alone. For you, it might be conquering your fear of heights or standing up for yourself when you’re not being treated respectfully – Whatever it is – do it anyway.

Another way is to purposefully counteract the fearful thoughts with more confident, strong ones. Sometimes you’ll have to go to a person with a strong, confident voice to counteract your fearful thoughts. My go-to person is my mother because she’s almost too straightforward and is practically fearless. Whenever I start to have fearful thoughts, I think about my mother telling me, “what’s the worst thing that will happen?”

Don’t let your fears control your life. You are the captain of your fate. 

What ways do you conquer your fears? Share below in the comments. 

XOXO,

-Tanesha 

Sunday Soapbox: Watch How You Speak To Yourself.

Sunday Soapbox: Watch How You Speak To Yourself.

Your inner monolog  or the voice you use to talk to yourself will literally make or break you. You have to be especially careful how you talk to yourself. I am a firm believer in whatever it is that you think about anything will manifest itself into your life. Your body responds to whatever it is you’re saying to yourself. If you’re always looking down on yourself, saying you’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough – you won’t be. If I’m being honest, some of the things I say to myself, I would never say to even my worst enemy. I’m a bully in my own right, to myself, and even just thinking about it makes me sick. Especially considering all the kind things I’ve said and how gentle I am to others about their feelings, I don’t even give myself the same in return, but I should. You and I both deserve to talk to ourselves kindly.

Personally, I’ve been trying to combat my negative self-talk. But it’s hard.  My favorite strategy currently is redirecting. If I notice myself becoming too negative about myself, I’ll immediately stop that thought, do 5-10 circle breaths (like in through my nose, out through my mouth), and rephrase the thought. For example, if the thought goes like this, “I am really screwing everything up, my life is never going to be the way it should,” – I rephrase it like this, “God’s plan is perfect and even if I don’t see how it’s working out right now, it’ll work itself out. I am still discovering who I am and how everything works, but it will be worked out in the end.”

I have been focusing on changing the way I talk to myself and think about myself for about a week now, and it has honestly been so worth it. I found that my mind is starting to go straight to the positive thoughts – this isn’t to say that I don’t sometimes fall short, but it is a work in progress.

What are some positive thoughts that keep you going when you get into a negative rut? Share below in the comments – I would love to hear them!

XOXO,

– Tanesha

Define Life Yourself

How often are you allowing others to define your life? Stop and think about it, like really think about it. Subconsciously, we all do this. We allow others to define what our success should look like, what it means to be in a relationship or what being a 20-something year old should look like. But honestly, the only person who should be defining what our lives look like, what our success looks like or relationships look like is ourselves. You as the individual should define that, not your parents, your friends, the lady on Instagram who you admire, none of them.

Many times, we allow what other people are doing and what is trending right now to define what things are for our lives. For example, people think that their relationships aren’t real until they’re on social media – which isn’t even the case. Or we define what success is by looking at somebody else’s success. Think about how life was before social media, where we couldn’t see every single thing about everyone’s life, where you didn’t know what other people were doing – how would you then defined your life, your success or your relationship?

I feel like we think about what other people are doing and how other people are living their lives – as the “template.” However, the “template” might not be the correct fit your life. God has a specific and unique path and plan for you and it might not look like everybody else’s. You have to be ready to just accept whatever it is.

This weekend I encourage you to really sit down and define your life and figure out exactly what defines YOU. What does success look like to YOU? What do YOU want your relationship to look like?

Share below how you define your life, your relationships and success! I can’t wait to hear about them.

XOXO,

– Tanesha

Sunday Soapbox: Standards for Life

I am one of those people who have super high standards in dating and I am unashamed! But when it comes to other aspects of my life – such as how I allow people to treat me – I am much much more lenient. You need to have standards for literally every aspect of your life not just dating. Having standards in dating is great and really necessary,  but your whole life is not focused or based on dating, you’re much more than who you date.

I feel like if you don’t have standards in your life, especially for your social circle – you’ll just allow people to treat you any type of way and then they’ll be able to walk all over you thus break your heart and hurt your feelings. And you don’t deserve that. Yes, in a perfect world people would treat everybody with kindness, but that doesn’t always happen so you should have the standards in place so that people do not treat you any type of way.

Think about in your workplace, if you’re just putting out mediocre or half-ass work – people aren’t going to want to hire you or want to promote you because you’re not doing anything above and beyond. You’re not making the company or yourself look good. For example, I pride myself in the type of work I produce. I’ll make sure to give the project 1000% and ensure that it is the best work that I’ve ever produce, even if I’m feeling lazy. I do this because I want people to associate me with having an excellent work ethics and producing amazing work.

Imagine if you had a standard of how you present yourself and how you dressed,  how people treat you, what type of work you put out, what type of people you entertained in your social circles and much more. People would then HAVE to (or at least be more inclined) to treat you by the standard you have set. If you have a standard of how you look, how you carry yourself and how you interact with people – people always associate you with those things. If you’re always super kind, super positive and happy person – people will always associate that with you (and that will become the image they have of you).

Standards are for you alone to make, and whatever standards you choose – make sure they make you happy.

What are some standards you already have in place in your life or planning on incorporating? Share Below in the comments.

XOXO,

– Tanesha

 

 

SUNDAY (A day late) SOAPBOX: Don’t settle for less!

Let me tell you, I had a breakdown earlier this week. I’m not exactly sure what caused the breakdown but I started to feel like I am suddenly settling with my life. I began to think, maybe this is what my life is going to be – I’m going to live at home forever, not get into graduate school, not find the love of my life and a bunch of other things. I got caught into a negative rut, thinking maybe I don’t deserve all things I was longing for and wanted for so long. But then in the back of my mind, a thought occurred – if you truly feel like you deserve these things, why at the first sign of adversity or an obstacle comes up, you’re questioning your worthiness to receive it? (Print that out and hang it somewhere!)

I wonder why I do this to myself, I get so worked up about things that are largely out of my control at the present moment and then begin to feel like I am undeserving of the things that God has told me specifically are for me. It’s crazy but you cannot settle for mediocrities. There are ENOUGH mediocre people in the world, you don’t need to be another one nor do you deserve to be one.

This quote has literally helped me deal with this: “Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment. Then, whether it fails or succeeds, at least you know you gave all you had. We need to live the best that’s in us.” – Angela Bassett. Now consider this? Right now, if you’re bringing your very best to this moment and every single moment in the future, you will get everything that you deserve. You’ll get the success you want, the love life you deserve, the body you want – the possibilities are literally endless.

Stay Encouraged Boo & Don’t Settle,

– Tanesha 🙂