10 STANDOUT IDEAS from 2016 (thus far)

I feel like 2016 has been the year of learning for me. I am forever reflecting on this year and what things I could’ve done better, what things were good. I think self-reflection is one of the most beneficial things a person can do, because change has to come from within. People can tell you all they want about the things you do wrong, or the things you are doing correctly – BUT until you recognize it yourself, you probably won’t make longterm changes. So here are some of the main things that I’ve learned and that I plan on keeping with me for the rest of my post-undergraduate life.

  • Dream HUGE, and don’t limit yourself, even if other people try to. You are the creator of your destiny, and absolutely nothing is out of your reach, unless you put it there.
  • Being Sure of yourself is a process, it takes practice. And by practice I mean every single day, looking yourself in the mirror and saying “You got this girl!”  You must be sure of yourself, because if you aren’t – who else will?
  • Trust God and his path for you, he will never lead you wrong. Romans 8:28 in the Bible says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
  • People only take from you what they know you will give them. This goes hand in hand with the saying, “people will only treat you how you allow them to.” (Thanks mom!) Folks are probably walking all over you and treating you the way they are because you are allowing them to by not standing up for yourself or correcting their behavior. Only you can change it tho.
  • SAY NO: with conviction. Stop doing things you don’t want to do and things that make you unhappy. Life is literally too short for you to do anything you don’t want to do. Say no, and leave it alone. You don’t have to explain yourself to ANYONE.
  • Friendships are reciprocal, and not everyone is your friend. If I’m being honest, I’m still learning this. But you shouldn’t be the one always reaching out, and always planning. You should be getting out of the friendship, the same things you’re putting in.
  • Plan early in your relationships, especially with marriage. Honestly ask yourself (and your significant other) what your intentions and expectations are up front. There’s no point of your intentions to seriously date, and your significant others intention’s are to casually date around. I believe that preparation is the key to success and that it should be applied to your relationships as well.
  • Explore the world – take in every opportunity, even opportunities you don’t think you will gain from. I think you should take advantage of every single opportunity and open door that comes your way, because you may gain skills that you wouldn’t have before. Also you could learn what type of career you don’t want to have.
  • The difference between you and someone else is what you are willing to sacrifice. I think there is something profound about being the person to go above and beyond the normative path. You should be able and willing to sacrifice for your goals. Sacrifice is temporary but the reward and feelings of accomplishing your goals are forever.
  • You can have it all, as long as God says the same. Galatians 1:10 says “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant!”As long as you are focused on living your life as an offering to God, everything will work out the way it is supposed because God favor’s His Children.

What are some of your stand out ideas from 2016? Share below in the comments!

XOXO

– Tanesha

Grown Up Life Goals

So now that I am about to embark on the next chapter of my life. Honestly, goal setting has been a part of my life ever since I can remember. I saw on Facebook once that ” Goals are just dreams with deadlines.” How can you ever accomplish anything without knowing what it is that you want to accomplish?

Goal setting is pretty straight forward. You should use the cheesy acronym S.M.A.R.T to help set and achieve your goals.

S is for Specific.

M is for Measurable.

A is for Action-Oriented.

R is for Realistic.

T is Time-Based.

Some of my personal goals include: building my self-confidence higher by working out more and eating healthier (cut out all these random carbs), start dating again (9 months from now), face some more fears (especially my fear of bugs), move out and become more independent.

While my professional goals are get into a good graduate school with a strong emphasis in research, publish my first peer-reviewed article into an academic journal, perfect my elevator speech, recreate my personal statement and cover letters, and re-brand myself.

Even more important than just having these goals in your head, is writing them down. I don’t know about you, but whenever I write anything down it becomes more real to me. I would suggest you write your goals down. Maybe in a notebook where you can journal on your progress, or maybe on sticky notes that you place on your bathroom mirror, or even just down on a piece of paper that you carry around in your wallet. I think you should look at your list of goals at least once a day. The more you see them, the more you will work for them, the more progress you will make on them, and then before you know it you will be accomplishing so much.

I believe that setting personal (as well as professional) goals are extremely important.

What are some of your goals for the rest of the year?? Share below in the comments.

Be Blessed, and Love always,

– Tanesha 🙂

 

The Price of Being Independent

This generation of women holds strong to their independents. It’s an amazing feeling to be a strong, independent women. We have our own which is a beautiful thing. We are lawyers, doctors, politicians and possible presidents of the United States of America. We are reaching higher heights than ever before but this sometimes can come at a price. There is always something that suffers, and most times it is our relationships! Sometimes that power or independence creates tension in relationships. Women we forget we have to let the man,  be the man.

When women are breadwinners that can sometimes create barriers in the relationship. As strong women, we have to still show that we are dependent on our men. I know for some that will be a hard pill to swallow but we have to make our men feel needed. Especially if that’s the man we want to build a future with. We confuse caring for our men or showing that we can submit to our men as weakness, but that’s not necessarily true. If the man you’re with has your best interest at heart, loves God and you, it’s okay to show him your softer side.Women are not supposed to run the show, the man is the head. Let’s say it together – WE HAVE TO FOLLOW OUR MEN! Ok, now take a deep breath. It’s okay, I promise you because it’s going to pay off!

Let’s recap! Allow the man to be the man! Allow your man to take the lead! It’s okay to submit to your man when he has a relationship with God, loves you and has your best interest at heart.

Share below about what you think about letting the man be the man!

Love Always,

– A. Rochell

Monday Mindset for Love: Week 3

Welcome to Week 3 everyone in the Month of Love! We’re about halfway done with the month and we’ve made some major strides in our walk towards love.

One of the most important things to do in your life is to be able to Heal and Deal with all of your past hurts, and last relationship’s problems. For me, I had to take a hard look at everything that has every hurt me in the past. Then, be able to confront those problems head on, instead of avoiding them, or pushing them to the side, or pretending like they don’t exist. For example, while in high school my heart was severely broken. Until I really figured out what it was that went wrong in that relationship, I wasn’t able to go into my next relationship with an open mind and for it to last a long time. I heard once, that until you deal with your past, you will never be able to go into your future with positivity and an open mind – the same goes with your heart.

“Assignment” – Think about and consider every relationship you’ve ever been hurt in, and deal with those hurts. For example, if I was hurt my ex-boyfriend, I would have to confront and deal with that first, before being able to be open to recieve long.

What are some of the things that you have been hurt by and how did you deal with them? Share below in our comments!

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae.

Favorite Couples – Valentine’s Day 2016

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!! We hope you are having a great day filled with love and laughter, because you deserve it, with or without a significant other. So this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share with you all my favorite couples of all time, they’re not in any particular order – just the order I thought of them in! Enjoy!

 

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President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama – I mean, who wouldn’t want to aspire to be such a power couple like they are.

 

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Stephen and Ayesha Curry – Just look at those faces! Also, they’ve been together since high school, and they have two of the cutest little girls on this planet.

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Meagan Good and Devon Franklin – What really makes me love this couple is that they were both abstaining from sex when they met and continued to wait for sex until they got married. Which is such an inspiration to me, because I am also abstaining from sex until marriage.

 

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Jurnee Smollett-Bell and Josiah Bell – I mean, just look at how he looks at her, I can’t wait to get married and have someone look at me in that way.

 

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My Parents – They are just such a great example to me of a working and committed relationship. They look really young in this picture and they’ve done a terrific job of raising two Black kids while being equally committed to their careers, and each other.

Be sure to share your favorite couples below in the comments as well!

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Monday Mindset For Love: Week 2

Welcome to Week 2 everyone in the month of love! We are so excited that you continuing this journey to love with us.

Matters of the heart must always be taken seriously, and you must be realistic with yourself. Last week, we spent time considering what we bring to the table. A friend of mine once said that you can’t go after what you want, unless you know what you want. This week’s challenge is to make your check list.

“Assignment” – I would fold up a sheet of paper into thirds, and label each section with Wants, Needs, and Deal Breakers, respectively. Really think about things you want, need, and won’t settle for. Wants are typically physical things, such as dark hair, 6’7’’ height, or anything like that. Needs are typically personality characters, such as honesty, trustworthiness, etc. Now, Deal Breakers are things you will not settle for. Like if you meet a guy with this trait, or characteristic – you won’t even consider this guy for dating.

I’m going to use myself as an example – I want a guy who’s tall, but I need him to be affectionate, and I won’t settle for him not being a Christian.

What are some of your wants and needs? Share below in our comments!

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae.

Dear Retaliation or nah?

Hey Ladies & Company, I have a bit of a sticky situation on my hands currently. My ex-boyfriend and the father of my son is now dating my ex-friend. The problem is the “friend” is someone I confided in while I was in a relationship with him. I was always telling her about the tough times in my relationships when I felt like I had no one else to turn to. I can honestly say that I never want this man back, and I am not hurt, nor jealous that they have found each other. However, I do feel a little upset because I feel disrespected!!! When we broke up, I stayed silent about the problems and the issues I had while in the relationship, however, he began to bash our relationship on social media constantly. Saying I was such a horrible girlfriend and like I didn’t treat him great. And it’s like first that bashing, now this! Also, my “ex-friend” just broke up with someone I consider to be like a brother to me to hop in this relationship with my ex. So I’m also dealing with him and his heartbreak and trying to help him be strong when I can barely be strong for myself. Sure my ex-friend and ex-boyfriend knew each other as children but lost contact after first grade. Am I wrong for wanting to retaliate, or at least, say something to the both of them. – Retaliation or Nah?

Dear Retaliation or Nah?

Thank you so much having the courage to submit your question to us via Instagram! Now for the advice -it sounds like this is a very tough situation. First of all, I would not retaliate – you are a better person than that. I would let your ex-boyfriend know that bashing you on social media is very immature and not cool, especially as you are the mother of his child. I would not go further than that because you should be the bigger person no matter what. It will make you feel better at the end of all this, you remained a classy young lady. I believe that you friend did break “girl code,” by getting together with your ex-boyfriend, even if she did know him as a child. I would honestly focus on helping your “brother’s” heartbreak because he needs you. I would not retaliate, because you are better than that. Focus on helping your brother, and being an awesome mother – and karma will come around as she always does.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Ready for Love?

Dear ladies and company, so I am in my senior year of my senior year of college and I have never been on a date. I really want to you know start mingling with men in my age group or even a little older because I think I am ready for a relationship. I’m not exactly sure where to begin with the dating game. I want to be wowed and treated like a queen, however, what I’m seeing now in the dating game is like boys running games on girls running games on guys it is just not OK! So, how do I start dating without compromising my standards? – Ready for Love?

Dear Ready For Love,

First, it is really good that you have realized that you’re at the point of being ready to date. So many young ladies these days are just jumping into the dating world without being ready. First I would set your boundaries out. What are you willing, and unwilling to accept while dating? Maybe you want him to pay for the first date, but are willing to compromise and go dutch on dates 2-3. Also, I would figure out what you really need, what you would like, and what you can compromise on and what you won’t. I think through this process, you will be able to be a little bit more open with guys. As well as you will be able to stand firm in what you want and what you deserve. Then you can start going on dates – maybe some online dating sites such as POF, or Tinder, or the Bae App, or have your friends set up you up with some of their friends (at least you know the guys will be decent humans, unless you have shitty friends). And then, just let whatever happens, happen.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

 

2015 Reflections

As 2016 has just started, I’ve given myself a few days to really reflect on the past year and figure out what I’ve learned, what I’ll do differently and what must change for this new year. I’ve learned so much and I just want to share my reflection as a means to inspire you to reflect over your past year as well.

I deserve better. I’ve put up with a lot of things that I shouldn’t have in 2015 with my friends. For me, it’s especially hard for me to voice my opinions or feelings because of fear of hurting someone else’s feelings. There’s no reason why I put up with as much as I did, and this year I am looking forward to standing up more for myself and not allowing myself to be treated any kind of way.

Along with this, I’ve found that you are your biggest support has to come from within. No one is going to support you, like you. Even if you support everyone and their momma’s businesses, startups, and ideas – it won’t be reciprocated. I don’t know why I expect the support and love I pour out into people to be returned but quite frankly it probably won’t ever be. And that’s okay.

I need to take more time to work on myself, pamper myself and love myself unapologetically. Sometimes I give too much to other people, and not enough to myself. In 2016, I plan on giving the same amount to myself, as I give others. Also, just work on loving myself flaws and all – no one is perfect and I shouldn’t expect to be either. Sometimes I feel like I hold myself to this unobtainable standard of living and how I live. I have to learn that the standard in my head isn’t the end all to myself. It’s okay to mess up sometimes.

With that being said, I’ve also learned how strong I am as a person – not physically, but emotionally and mentally. I can handle almost anything anyone throws at me. This year has been the year of challenges. With the pursuit of graduate school, and applying for everything humanly possible (scholarships, trips, diversity weekends, etc). I can do pretty much anything I put my mind to and I need to walk in that truth.

I think those are the main takeaways from 2015 for me. What were you major lessons in 2015 – Share them below in the comments!

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Friends No More?

Dear ladies and company, I don’t really need love advice, but more like friend advice. I have been friends with this young lady for years, however over the years, she’s becoming such a stank mean person. She expects everyone in our circle to drop everything for her, and sometimes I can’t because I have other priorities such as my dogs, family, and jobs. I’m being kinda vague but for example, she wanted to do a huge week of events for her 21st birthday. And so we (all of her friends) got her this awesome bunch of gifts, and she was so ungrateful! She was like, I don’t even like anything y’all got me. After we spent all this money, not only for the gifts but all the events and stuff. Do you think it’s time to let this friendship go? I just feel bad because she doesn’t have any other friends, and I think that’s why… – Friends No More?

Dear Friends No More,

I am sorry that you have the bad end of the stick with your friend! Maybe she doesn’t know how she’s behaving because no one has ever called her on it. I would probably approach her about it, and just let her know that what she said about the gift was uncalled for, and that she should be grateful that she even got anything. I would let her know that if she wants to continue ya’lls friendship, somethings are going to have to change. Friendships grow and change with time, so it might be time to let this one go. If you feel more strain and tension towards her than you do happy feelings and warm fuzzies. Let it go! You deserve better.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae