Happy Birthday to Me!

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Happy Birthday to Me!

It’s my 24th birthday – and I gotta admit I’m feeling a little weird. This will be my first birthday without doing something to celebrate with my parents, and honestly it is kinda bumming me out. But I refuse to be sad on my birthday (plus ain’t nobody got time for that, I have a whole final due on Monday). This year, instead of reflecting on what I’ve already learned – I want to focus on changing for the better. The past year has been very revealing to me about the type of person that I want to be. Not because I am unhappy with who I am, because let’s face it – I’m pretty lit. But rather because next year, at 25, I want to be happier and just overall better as a person. God has put it in my heart to start laying the ground work in my 24th year, so that the next quarter of my life will be the best.

My Goals are as followed:

Stop Allowing Folks to Treat You Like You’re Regular. I have this really bad habit of allowing people to just treat me any type of way. It is because growing up and even into my undergrad days, I used to be really afraid of being alone and not having any friends. But now, after moving to Pittsburgh alone, I’ve realized that – I don’t need them. I pride myself in being a good friend to people and if they don’t want to act right – that’s on them. Friends are great and as much as I want to have that “group of girlfriends” – I can’t keep trying and trying and trying.  Especially when I’m not reaping any of the benefits. If you’re my friend cool, but if I feel like I’m putting in more than I am going to Imma fall back and stop expecting that reciprocation. I’m still gunna be there for you if you need to be as a listening ear. I just have to stop expecting them to do the same.

Live More In Love and Be Positive. Most people who know me know that I am a pretty optimistic person. But sometimes my positive energy gets hit with other people’s negativity and I absorb it. Not on purpose, but it happens. I want to be able to keep my positivity and energy clear of other people’s baggage. Which is sometimes really hard for me because I take on other people’s stress often. Also, I want to live in love more. I wrote a blog post about how to put love in your daily lives. But I want to be a more loving and kind person. When people are around me, I want them to instantly feel loved and cared for. There was a girl once at Hampton, while I didn’t know her personally, I could see and feel the energy she radiated. I want that.

More Jesus. For a few months now, I have been feeling like something is missing from my life. I felt like all this good was happening around me, but still something was missing. And honestly, it was yesterday that it hit me. I wasn’t spending as much time with God as I should be. So this next year, I want to take my relationship with God to the next level. I feel like I haven’t been taking my relationship with Him as seriously as I should be. But starting today, I am recommitting myself to God, His word, My Prayers, and His people. I will be studying His word and doing daily prayers – every day. No excuses. God has done so much for me, the VERY LEAST I could do is spend time with Him.

There are probably more things, but these are going to be my main focus right now. I am so excited about my next year of growth and wisdom. 23 was a year of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, growth and new opportunities. I cannot wait to see what 24 brings.

Love yall bunches.

– Tanesha

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SoapBox: Don’t Take It Personally.

Dealing With A Loss-2

People sometimes suck. Being the kind-hearted person I am, I am always expecting people to treat me the way I treat them. But that’s not always the case. People will hurt you, slander your name and not even think twice about it. Which is so strange to me because in school growing up we were always taught – “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

But maybe that’s how they pull it off – the people who treat you poorly, never expect to be treated badly or are ever actually treated badly. When people don’t treat you with the same decency, respect or kindness that you have shown them, you could get super angry, irritated and upset. OR you could not take it personally. The way people treat others has everything to do with them, and hardly anything to do with the people receiving the actions. For example, if my friend Sally treats me terribly, that says more about Sally than it does about me – especially if I know that I’ve continually treated her kindly or with respect.

At least that’s how I look at it. So continue to treat people kindly and with love – it’s honestly the only way to live with a clear conscious and also it just feels better. 🙂

Love you all bunches,

– Tanesha J.

 

 

Sunday Soapbox: Standards for Life

I am one of those people who have super high standards in dating and I am unashamed! But when it comes to other aspects of my life – such as how I allow people to treat me – I am much much more lenient. You need to have standards for literally every aspect of your life not just dating. Having standards in dating is great and really necessary,  but your whole life is not focused or based on dating, you’re much more than who you date.

I feel like if you don’t have standards in your life, especially for your social circle – you’ll just allow people to treat you any type of way and then they’ll be able to walk all over you thus break your heart and hurt your feelings. And you don’t deserve that. Yes, in a perfect world people would treat everybody with kindness, but that doesn’t always happen so you should have the standards in place so that people do not treat you any type of way.

Think about in your workplace, if you’re just putting out mediocre or half-ass work – people aren’t going to want to hire you or want to promote you because you’re not doing anything above and beyond. You’re not making the company or yourself look good. For example, I pride myself in the type of work I produce. I’ll make sure to give the project 1000% and ensure that it is the best work that I’ve ever produce, even if I’m feeling lazy. I do this because I want people to associate me with having an excellent work ethics and producing amazing work.

Imagine if you had a standard of how you present yourself and how you dressed,  how people treat you, what type of work you put out, what type of people you entertained in your social circles and much more. People would then HAVE to (or at least be more inclined) to treat you by the standard you have set. If you have a standard of how you look, how you carry yourself and how you interact with people – people always associate you with those things. If you’re always super kind, super positive and happy person – people will always associate that with you (and that will become the image they have of you).

Standards are for you alone to make, and whatever standards you choose – make sure they make you happy.

What are some standards you already have in place in your life or planning on incorporating? Share Below in the comments.

XOXO,

– Tanesha

 

 

Things I Learned in 2016 That I Am Bringing Into My 2017

It has been about 7 or 8 days into 2017 (at least when I am writing this) and everyone around me has been either saying “new year, new me – I am overhauling my life to make more positive changes and resolutions” or the more self-righteous “I don’t need New Years to recreate myself – I do that every week.” I am somewhat in the middle. This new year, I am super excited about the upcoming possibilities and opportunities that are coming my way. However, I didn’t get there by happenstance – without 2016 there wouldn’t be this chance for 2017.

So here are some of the lessons that I learned in 2016, that I am definitely taking with me into 2017.

  1. It is absolutely OK to not be OK. You are under no circumstances required to be OK all the time. There are days when you are going to be unhappy, distraught, stressed out, worried, etc – and that’s okay. Life is not roses and daisies all the time and that is okay. Honestly, think about this, if life was everything you wanted it to be, you wouldn’t be satisfied nor have an appreciation for all the good that is going on. You gotta take the good with the bad. Balance.
  2. Positive in, Positive Out. You must speak life and positivity over your future and your life. My mother and my friend are always saying you must visual your success and have positive thoughts about your future. Otherwise, it won’t happen. You have to have confidence that the things you desire, the love you want, the job/career you want, all of those things and more will come to you.
  3. Planning is great, but God’s plan is perfect. I am a planner by nature, I like to know what’s going to happen, when it is going to happen, why it is happening – everything. But God does not work like that at all. Not because He is going to harm us, rather because he has plans to prosper us in the future (my paraphrase from Jeremiah 29:11). Furthermore, God’s plan is perfect, absolutely perfect (so perfect we cannot even comprehend). There is nothing in the perfect plan of God, that is not meant for your good. There was a quote by Lisa Bever – she stated, “If you think that you have blown God’s for your life, rest in this: You, my beautiful friend, are not that strong.”
  4. Time heals all wounds, even the ones that hurt the most. Both physical and mental wounds are the same in some sense. First, you get hurt and then you got to put a bandage over the wound to not infect it anymore but also to give your body time to do what it is designed to do heal. Even for mental and emotional wounds, you have to put a bandage on it and give it time to heal. Invest your time into healing yourself. You cannot rush healing my friend, you have to go through all the pain, suffering and once you experience all that you will be allowed to heal.
  5. You deserve to be treated well. People’s actions are not a reflection of you, but rather of you. You don’t have to be a savage, specially in the “world of being a savage.” It is okay to treat others better than they treat you. There are not enough kind-hearted people in the world. But with this, do not be mistaken – I am not saying put up with everyone’s crap. I’m saying treat people kindly, but be sure to take care of yourself.

With all that being said, I hope that 2017 brings you everything that you need to be the best version of yourself.

I love you bunches.

XOXO,

– Tanesha J.

My Season of Patience and Learning

About four months ago, I wrote about my “season of rejection,” since then honestly, nothing has really changed – Things are starting to slowly look up, just not in the way I had imagined my life being (which I will talk about a little later in this post). I’m still feeling some of the same things that I felt back then, however, my mindset has changed completely. About a month or two ago, I feel like God told me to stop wallowing and embrace this moment.

Instead of the season of rejection, I am renaming this time in my life as my season of patience and learning. I am going to be really transparent here: it was so hard to change my mindset. Every day, I am reminded that God is still good and He provides. So no matter how I feel that day, or how much I want to give up – it is all going to end up the way it is supposed to.

I have learned quite a few things while in the midst of this period of my time. So here are the top ones.

  1. You are still going to have bad days, even with this new mindset. You are not a robot where you can just turn on and off when you are going to feel stressed. As this season of transition and change is happening in your life – it is going to be uncomfortable. It’s not going to be the rainbows and giggles that you imagine.
  2. Patience builds endurance. I like to think of patience like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the strong it becomes. No matter how many tears you shed, no matter how badly you think it is – keep going. Give it one day of sadness and then move on to the next day with a refreshed attitude. The more you practice not holding on to the sadness, hurt feelings, and disappointments, the easier it will be.
  3. Life is what you make it, not what you have planed. Have you ever heard that saying that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react. You are going to have to choose to react differently to certain situations. Instead of getting upset that XYZ opportunity did not happen for you, use that as motivation to apply to more opportunities that even better. Don’t limit yourself to what you think is in your skillset, go beyond it.
  4. Do more of what you love to keep busy. So life is not working out how you think it should, so what? Your life will eventually get the way it is supposed to be. So for me, I suddenly had an OBNOXIOUS amount of free time (which those of you who really know, know I hate). I started filling my time with working out, reading the Bible and doing daily devotional, catching up on random shows I forgot about, studying to retake the GRE, applying to jobs, looking up grad schools and programs and whatever else I can think of. I think keeping busy really helps me not “wallow” because I have stuff to do.

Life is still hard, but I am determined to make the last few months of 2016 – positive and happy ones.

Be blessed,

– Tanesha Renae

Monday Morning Thoughts: You Deserve A Break, too.

I am a firm believe that our minds and bodies will tell you everything you need to know about yourself. Whenever I am getting extremely stressed out, nothing makes sense. I struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. I even start to panic about things that are not that serious. Normally, these are the signs for me that I need to take a break from everything and recollect myself. There are signs that your body gives you too – maybe reacting to things negatively, becoming pessimistic, or even becoming sickly.

You are so strong, but you deserve (and need) a break sometimes. Take time this week to unplug yourself from the world. Focus on clearing your mind and taking a break. Go to a coffee shop and read your favorite book for a few hours with your phone off. Go to the beach and listen to the water. Spend your entire day in bed if you want to. But take that break, you deserve it.

Stay Encouraged,

-Tanesha

Dear In the dark, tryna get out. 

Yo Ladies & Co, I recently started dating a girl and we celebrated our three month anniversary on December 2nd (this is my first real serious relationship, so bare with me). We’ve been talking way before that, though maybe for around 6 months. I really do like her, maybe almost love. I just have no idea how to tell my mom and my family. I’m afraid of their reaction, you know. My family and I have gone through some things where I couldn’t always talk to them. And my girl hasn’t pushed me to tell them either, she understands what I’m going through. I’ve met her family already, and they all love me. I’m starting college next week, and on Sunday, I move into my dorm. I don’t know if I should tell my mom before or after. My mom knows we’re friends, she just doesn’t know the extent of our friendship. I’d really like to tell my mother because I play soccer, and I’d love for them both to be at my games cheering me on. Please help. – In the dark, tryna get out.

Dear In the dark, tryna get out,

First let me applaud you for seeking our advice! I know this was a hard decision to share your thoughts on such a sensitive subject. Secondly, you should be open and honest about your relationship with your girl. She may not have said anything however, you better believe it has crossed her mind. Absolutely no woman want their relationship with their special guy to be a secret. Thirdly, your letter left me curious as to why you haven’t disclosed this information to your parents. What’s making this decision hard for you? I understand your relationship with them have been rocky, however, they should be elated that you have found someone that makes you happy. I understand every parent wants the best for their children including a great education, however, I think they would be genuinely happy for you.

So in essence, telling your parents may be the healthy choice. It would definitely shed some light on your relationship with them. If it was me, I would definitely tell my parents.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Retaliation or nah?

Hey Ladies & Company, I have a bit of a sticky situation on my hands currently. My ex-boyfriend and the father of my son is now dating my ex-friend. The problem is the “friend” is someone I confided in while I was in a relationship with him. I was always telling her about the tough times in my relationships when I felt like I had no one else to turn to. I can honestly say that I never want this man back, and I am not hurt, nor jealous that they have found each other. However, I do feel a little upset because I feel disrespected!!! When we broke up, I stayed silent about the problems and the issues I had while in the relationship, however, he began to bash our relationship on social media constantly. Saying I was such a horrible girlfriend and like I didn’t treat him great. And it’s like first that bashing, now this! Also, my “ex-friend” just broke up with someone I consider to be like a brother to me to hop in this relationship with my ex. So I’m also dealing with him and his heartbreak and trying to help him be strong when I can barely be strong for myself. Sure my ex-friend and ex-boyfriend knew each other as children but lost contact after first grade. Am I wrong for wanting to retaliate, or at least, say something to the both of them. – Retaliation or Nah?

Dear Retaliation or Nah?

Thank you so much having the courage to submit your question to us via Instagram! Now for the advice -it sounds like this is a very tough situation. First of all, I would not retaliate – you are a better person than that. I would let your ex-boyfriend know that bashing you on social media is very immature and not cool, especially as you are the mother of his child. I would not go further than that because you should be the bigger person no matter what. It will make you feel better at the end of all this, you remained a classy young lady. I believe that you friend did break “girl code,” by getting together with your ex-boyfriend, even if she did know him as a child. I would honestly focus on helping your “brother’s” heartbreak because he needs you. I would not retaliate, because you are better than that. Focus on helping your brother, and being an awesome mother – and karma will come around as she always does.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Friends No More?

Dear ladies and company, I don’t really need love advice, but more like friend advice. I have been friends with this young lady for years, however over the years, she’s becoming such a stank mean person. She expects everyone in our circle to drop everything for her, and sometimes I can’t because I have other priorities such as my dogs, family, and jobs. I’m being kinda vague but for example, she wanted to do a huge week of events for her 21st birthday. And so we (all of her friends) got her this awesome bunch of gifts, and she was so ungrateful! She was like, I don’t even like anything y’all got me. After we spent all this money, not only for the gifts but all the events and stuff. Do you think it’s time to let this friendship go? I just feel bad because she doesn’t have any other friends, and I think that’s why… – Friends No More?

Dear Friends No More,

I am sorry that you have the bad end of the stick with your friend! Maybe she doesn’t know how she’s behaving because no one has ever called her on it. I would probably approach her about it, and just let her know that what she said about the gift was uncalled for, and that she should be grateful that she even got anything. I would let her know that if she wants to continue ya’lls friendship, somethings are going to have to change. Friendships grow and change with time, so it might be time to let this one go. If you feel more strain and tension towards her than you do happy feelings and warm fuzzies. Let it go! You deserve better.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Give It Up

So my ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for about a year now… We travel in the same circles, for the most part, so we’re always running into each other. But now it is to the point where he doesn’t even speak to me at all. I still somewhat care for him, but I refuse to keep trying to be friends when he doesn’t try at all… What should I do say forget him, or reach out to him one more time? – Give it up?

Dear Give It Up,

I can definitely understand your situation as I was in a similar one in high school. If I was you would I would cut him off completely. I would still be polite and cordial towards him and don’t be rude, however, I wouldn’t go out of my way anymore to attempt to be friends with him. It’s obvious that he’s trying to get over you, because you’re such a wonderful young lady, and you should also take that time to heal as well. Maybe sometime in the future you both will be able to develop a friendship again. I would be kind, and avoid being rude, however, I would say forget him, and move on!

Keep It Classy,

– T.Renae