Dear Give It Up

So my ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for about a year now… We travel in the same circles, for the most part, so we’re always running into each other. But now it is to the point where he doesn’t even speak to me at all. I still somewhat care for him, but I refuse to keep trying to be friends when he doesn’t try at all… What should I do say forget him, or reach out to him one more time? – Give it up?

Dear Give It Up,

I can definitely understand your situation as I was in a similar one in high school. If I was you would I would cut him off completely. I would still be polite and cordial towards him and don’t be rude, however, I wouldn’t go out of my way anymore to attempt to be friends with him. It’s obvious that he’s trying to get over you, because you’re such a wonderful young lady, and you should also take that time to heal as well. Maybe sometime in the future you both will be able to develop a friendship again. I would be kind, and avoid being rude, however, I would say forget him, and move on!

Keep It Classy,

– T.Renae

Dear Confuzzled Feelings

Hey Ladies, There was a guy that I talked to for a second (Like literally for only a month or two) We flirted and hung out every once in a while. He wanted a relationship, but I didn’t want to go there with him. I knew that he wasn’t the one for me and just wanted to be friends. I wouldn’t even let him kiss me, only a peck on the check twice, maybe.  Fast forward to about 5 years later, we’ve both moved on with our lives. Now I hear that he’s really falling hard for one of my closest girlfriends. I mean he’s asked me if it would be a problem that he wants to you know, holla at her. Being that we were never together, officially or whatever. What should I do? Should I feel some type of way? After all,  we weren’t a “thing” right, and I never even wanted anything with him? I haven’t told my friend that he wants to talk to her yet, I mean should I? I don’t have feelings for him, and still not trying to be with him. Should I feel some type of way if she wants to talk to him because he was mine first? – Confuzzled feelings.

Well as far as actually having this guy. I don’t think you had him. It’s also five years later, his feelings for you most likely do not exist anymore. So you maybe having feelings for him back then, or even now – it’s a little too late. I don’t think he was really yours to begin with. You can’t claim authority over someone who you “don’t even want”. I think on one hand you really did want him, and you just didn’t know how to confront your feelings or admit your feelings to yourself (and him). But again it probably is a little too late, being that it is 5 years later and he’s falling for your girlfriends. I don’t think you should feel any type of way, because he’s moved on from the past and you should too. I think as man, I believe he should tell her himself that he wants to talk to her. You should move yourself out of the way of his happiness, and on to better things.

Keep It Classy,

– T.Renae

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

Hi Ladies & Company, I met this wonderful man named William last year. He’s highly educated, God fearing, with a strong moral character. His first relationship was a long term one, and I can see why. I, on the other hand, have lied to him about my past. I was a bit of a wild girl growing up. I had a few one-night stands, a couple of sugar daddies, and a few trains run on me, but this was all done in the dark. When he asked me about my past, I was honestly very vague and told him that I was in a couple of long-term relationships. Should I come clean? or leave things as they are because our relationship is going really well. I am honestly terrified of his reaction. I am a female in my late twenties. – Tryna Come Clean.

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

First of all, I commend you for having the confidence to submit this question to us. Secondly, I think you need to really weigh the pros and cons of this relationship to make sure you both are 100% committed to each other now. If you both are, then it shouldn’t matter how colorful your past was. If it was me, I would probably not go into extreme detail about this wild past, however, I wouldn’t belittle the past either, or make it out to be something that it is not. You have a past and he should respect that. I think that if William is as good of a guy as he says and has been showing to you, he will forgive you. You don’t want to run into the problem what if he finds out or you run into someone from your past, then he could potentially be more upset about you being dishonest than the actual acts. If you are far enough removed from that part of your past life, it should be okay. I believe that you should’ve gone ahead tested for STDs, and other potential health issues. Also another thing to consider is that William probably has a past too, it might not be as “bad”, but he probably has some things in it that he wishes he could erase as well. If the relationship is strong, it shouldn’t matter. You both are together now in the present, and hopefully you will be in the future!

Keep It Classy,

T.Renae

Dear To Swirl or Not,

Bonjour Ladies & Company. Me and my beau have been together for about a year. He’s a really good guy and we want to commit. The problem is my family. They don’t approve because he isn’t Black. They have always been very proud of their heritage. Should I accept his proposal or not. I’m so confused. – To Swirl Or Not

Dear To Swirl or Not,
Love has no color, shape or size! Times have changed and we are all free to express our love freely with whoever we want too. If a man loves you and treats you right you should definitely accept the proposal because these days a good man is hard to find. If you family loves you at the end of the day they probably just want to see you happy. They might not approve at first and may even push away for some time but I’m sure they’ll definitely come around. Sometimes families or individuals can be stuck in the past but love conquers all. Your family may not be open to interracial dating but once they see how this man values their daughter, they will have to open their minds to change. Love has no racial identity and I’m a big supporter of interracial relationships. At the end of the day I’d pray on it because God has the final say so! I can understand the difficult in this situation because you don’t want to have to choose between love and family. Family does mean a lot to me and their opinion would matter a great deal but if that’s the man God sent to you, it’ll all work out in due time and God will change the hearts of your family to be more open minded.

Open to Love,

Arielle Rochell 

“I am a woman who appreciates a man who…”

So last week, I posted “I am a man who appreciates a woman who…” and I thought, maybe the guys need some love too. So I decided I would do a sort of “rebuttal,” from the the ladies to show that men are also appreciated. So I asked some of my girl friends to complete the sentence, “I am a woman who appreciates a man who….”

  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who has ambition and goes after what he wants. ” – Starr
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who knows exactly what to do before I have to ask/say it and Prays, loves hard, does the little things. ” – Leah
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who loves me the same way I love him, appreciates me and prays for and with me. ” – JaKeya
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who puts God first, Can support me in all endeavors and loves me for me. ” – Jasmin
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who i can pray with. ” – Mykea
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who has a continual relationship with God and knows Jesus Christ is his Lord and Savior and Who is ambitious, supporting of my goals, caring, respectful, family oriented and plans to build a family together. ” – Keirsten
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who submits to God. ” – Maya
  •  “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who admires me for my intelligence & personality rather than my looks.” – Morgan
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who appreciates the value of a good woman, who loves and respects his mother, who is led by God and follows God because if he doesn’t follow God how could I follow him, and who pushes me to higher heights as I help him through his journey. ” – Arielle
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who knows himself through his relationship with God, who respects me and loves me the same if not more than  I love him and who will pray and lead our household with me beside him. ” – Averi
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who follows God’s lead in treating me like the queen I am and who is obedient to the call God has placed over his life and respects the call that God has placed over my life.” -Heather
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who still believes in Chivalry, is a God fearing man, grow and learn with, and who will stick with me through the tough times as well as the amazing times and a man who knows the true meaning of love. ” – Dominique
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who caters to my needs. ” – My mother.
  • “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who humbles himself before God. ” – Cutina
  • “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who is just as ambitious as I am.” – Tay-Lor

Keep It Classy,

-T. Renae

Dear What should I do,

Hi, I’ve been in a rollercoaster relationship for YEARS now. It started off so promising! As most relationships do. We both fell in love, or atleast I did, and he says he did. But then after a while, he says he just fell out of love with me. We’ve walked out of each other’s lives a few times, but always seem to manage to hold on to the physical part, not necessarily sex, but cuddling and all that good stuff. My wants never change so I don’t understand why he keep coming back. Like thinking I would be okay with just sex! What should I do? I am still very much in love with him, and every time he comes back, I literally relive the memories and times of when we were good… – What should I do?

Dear What should I do,

If he is not giving you what you want or need then I would let it go. You may have to fight to let it go, but I’d let it go. There is no reason to wait around and keep trying to make the same thing work over and over again. Odds are it will be painful to let go off the thought of you two being together. When you let him go you won’t be letting go of those feelings with him so it may hurt a little. But that is the price we pay when we fall for the wrong guy. Love is a gamble, we win some and we lose some. When we lose it hurts like crap, but when we win it’s unimaginable.

And if you let it go, let it go for good. Don’t hold on to the physical stuff, no cuddling, no sex, no constant communication. I would just cut everything off so that you can start to rebuild yourself completely separate from him and with no distractions.

Let the memories remain memories and build yourself the future that you want. Don’t dwell on the past, but build a new thing.

-Heather 🙂

Dear Age Aint Nothing But A Number

Hello Ladies and Company, So recently I started dating this guy. He’s super amazing, but the only problem is he’s 26, and I’m 19. Do you think that my age will become an issue with him? Or friends and family? – Age Aint Nothing But A Number?

Hey, Age Aint Nothing But A Number! Well, I will tell you like my dad told me, “You can’t have friends or date 3 years older than you, or two years younger than you.” He then went on to explain the reason. He explained how he used to hang out with people five years older than him and he missed out on a lot of experiences that kids his age were supposed to have.

Right now it is probably fun and exciting to date an older guy, however because you are 19 and he 26 you both are in different places in your lives. He is most likely working on his career and you are trying to have fun while in college. You are probably going to get tired of him not having time for you and he being upset that you “play too much.” I’m not telling you to break up with him, but I want you to be aware of the things that may happen later down the road.

Peace, Love & Harmony,

Averi Simone

Dear Depressed and Ready to Mingle

Hi Ladies & Co., I have recently been diagnosed with depression. But I really don’t want it, or like for it to define me. I haven’t been in a relationship in over a year, but I feel as if I would like to start getting out there again. How should I go about it? Like no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that could be so negative all the time. – Depressed and ready to mingle?

Dear Depresses and ready to mingle,

If you want to be in a relationship I would first make sure that you want it for the right reasons. Make sure that you won’t be using a relationship as a way to get through your depression. You must first learn to manage your depression on your own before you bring someone else into the mix. Make sure you are aware of yourself and your feelings. You want to be able to communicate what is going on in your life you’re your partner effectively and in a timely manner.

I don’t think being diagnosed with depression should stop you from getting back into the dating world I just think that they are some things you need to make sure you will be able to do in a relationship. Make sure you will be able to support your partner despite your feelings. I believe that communication and understanding will be vital in the relationship. Find someone who understands and is able to console you when you need it. And who is strong enough on his own to be able to be strong for the both of you when you are not. You need someone who is just as committed to you and helping you to create and maintain a stable relationship as you are.

And then there’s always trying to be positive. Even though you may have negative thoughts that does not mean those thoughts can’t be counteracted by positive ones. I challenge you to flip every negative thought that comes to you mind into a positive one and then to either say that positive thought aloud or write it down and read it.

I wish you the best. Love endures all things,

– Heather

Dear Dealing Wit Da Ex,

Hi. So my ex and I broke up, a little over a year ago now. I just recently started talking to someone new, and he’s so awesome and amazing and loving and just great! But now my ex wants to come back. He is blaming me for him cheating.. Like he says if i didn’t call and text all the time, or be around him all the time, he wouldn’t have gotten bored and cheated on me. Like what? My new guy is ready to snap on my ex (which is kinda cute). But I dont want any problems with us to start with, ESPECIALLY if its from my past relationship. How do i handle this without it escalating with my new man getting involved? – Dealing Wit da Ex.

Hey Girl!

First off congrats on the new boo – he sounds like such a winner! Second, your ex sounds like a major jerk. Cheating because your bored is an excuse, if he wanted to be committed to you, he would’ve been – point blank. That’s not shade to you, its shade to him because he couldn’t be man enough to just leave the relationship, instead he took a coward way out and cheated. Tell your new guy not to worry – I would block your ex on social media and if you have an iPhone block him on there too (if you don’t have an iPhone you can go to your phone company and get his number blocked, or change your number completely) because he doesn’t even deserve to see you happy anymore. Cut all ties with him, and focus all your attention on your new boo, and your happiness!

Keep It Classy, 

T.Renae

Like a Virgin

Disclaimer: This article is not to condemn anyone’s sexual habits. It is also not intended to force my views and beliefs on others. I just want to share my thoughts and experiences on the matter.

These days, sexual freedom is being embraced more than ever. People can talk more freely about it, there is less shame associated with having sex and we’ve finally gotten over using weird terminology to disguise words related to sex. However, the idea of a virgin is laughed off, people either don’t believe in the existence or conclude the person in question must have something seriously wrong with them to have waited this long. Recently, Russel Wilson (quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks) got very real about how in his relationship with gorgeous pop star Ciara, they have decided to abstain from sex. He stated beautifully ““Yeah, we’re talking about sex… Can we love each other without [sex]? If you can really love someone without [sex] then you can really love somebody… I ain’t gonna lie to y’all now. I need y’all to pray for us…Pray for me, keep my mind clear, keep my heart clear.” The backlash and jokes didn’t surprise me, but they started to make me feel like I had some things to share because I am still a virgin and also abstain from sex.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I can honestly say that I have no problems or objects with the trend of sexual freedom that we see today. Just because I’m saving my first time until my wedding night doesn’t mean that I look down my nose at the sexual habits of others or condemn my friends to hell. Personally, I think that with sexual freedom and people caring less about who’s doing what with whom for whatever reasons, we can get rid of all of the terrible slut-shaming and bullying that has plagued girls for years. If you wish to have sex, do it freely, (but also do it smartly). But the same way girls are demanding to be respected for their sexual choices, I would like to be respected for my choices to abstain from sex. As a virgin in 2015, people often speculate about what I am, or am not doing, because they just see it as “impossible” that I choose to ignore and control my responses to my hormones loud demands. I don’t appreciate being stripped down to a simple sexual being. I enjoy practicing self-control in my relationships, and I feel that what I do with my private lady parts should be not for anyone’s’ discussion or speculation. Being targeted for jokes or made uncomfortable because of my virginity has been a part of my life since reaching puberty and frankly I’m sick of it. Sexual freedom should apply to all: the virgins and the veterans.

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Temptations

Now, I do have a boyfriend who is also a virgin and has promised to save himself for marriage as well. And what’s it like for us to stay pure? Temptations are wild and very real. And temptation coupled with curiosity and hormones make it a daily struggle to keep our hands where they belong. But, I truly believe that it will be rewarding. The bond that we have formed completely transcends sexual attraction. Every time we work together to help ourselves resist temptation and spend yet another night simply in each other’s arms talking about life, it’s like reaching a new level in our relationship. And it feels amazing. I think being open with each other, expressing our expectations clearly communicating limitations are what keeps us grounded and sticking to our promise.

Pussy Power

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To be honest, I’m happy to have reached a place where I can care less about what people think of my sexual habits (or lack thereof lol). There’s honestly nothing you can do or say to convince me that I NEED to have sex without a diamond ring on my finger and the commitment of a lifetime with my husband. While being a virgin may be looked down upon, or you may not even believe that I chose to remain pure, I am happy for the decisions I make. I see my virginity as something that shouldn’t be “given away” but instead, something that should be shared in the most special way possible. There’s no rush to “get rid of” my virginity because, to me, it’s not some curse I was burdened with. It’s a gift and a special power that I hold within me. Just think of the “pussy power” (excuse the language) that women hold. Whole wars were fought over pussy, so to speak; so don’t ever let someone convince you that you “owe” your virginity to them. No matter how much time or money someone spends on you, it does not require you to return with a sexual favor. As cliché as it sounds, the right person for you, who will treasure and value the gift of your virginity, will not be solely interested in you for your body and will not use sex as a bartering tool.

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This part is written to the virgins that may or may not still be out there reading this, or to those who have decided to become celibate (saving sex until marriage although you may have already lost your virginity). The best way to combat the temptations, gossip, questions, teasing and other challenges that come along is to remember exactly why you’re doing what you’re doing, because in a moment of heat, all logical thinking and reasoning can fly out of the window. If you have to, write down your reasoning, expectations and stipulations in a place where you could easily find or look often. When the temptations, gossip, teasing, questions and other challenges come, you will be able to read the notes that you wrote to yourself and maybe renew your strengths. Like most other things in life, you’re the only one who can decide what is right for you. So if you’re deciding to not have sex, then stand firm in your decision.

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– Aliah W.