Sunday Soapbox: Watch How You Speak To Yourself.

Sunday Soapbox: Watch How You Speak To Yourself.

Your inner monolog  or the voice you use to talk to yourself will literally make or break you. You have to be especially careful how you talk to yourself. I am a firm believer in whatever it is that you think about anything will manifest itself into your life. Your body responds to whatever it is you’re saying to yourself. If you’re always looking down on yourself, saying you’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough – you won’t be. If I’m being honest, some of the things I say to myself, I would never say to even my worst enemy. I’m a bully in my own right, to myself, and even just thinking about it makes me sick. Especially considering all the kind things I’ve said and how gentle I am to others about their feelings, I don’t even give myself the same in return, but I should. You and I both deserve to talk to ourselves kindly.

Personally, I’ve been trying to combat my negative self-talk. But it’s hard.  My favorite strategy currently is redirecting. If I notice myself becoming too negative about myself, I’ll immediately stop that thought, do 5-10 circle breaths (like in through my nose, out through my mouth), and rephrase the thought. For example, if the thought goes like this, “I am really screwing everything up, my life is never going to be the way it should,” – I rephrase it like this, “God’s plan is perfect and even if I don’t see how it’s working out right now, it’ll work itself out. I am still discovering who I am and how everything works, but it will be worked out in the end.”

I have been focusing on changing the way I talk to myself and think about myself for about a week now, and it has honestly been so worth it. I found that my mind is starting to go straight to the positive thoughts – this isn’t to say that I don’t sometimes fall short, but it is a work in progress.

What are some positive thoughts that keep you going when you get into a negative rut? Share below in the comments – I would love to hear them!

XOXO,

– Tanesha

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SUNDAY (A day late) SOAPBOX: Don’t settle for less!

Let me tell you, I had a breakdown earlier this week. I’m not exactly sure what caused the breakdown but I started to feel like I am suddenly settling with my life. I began to think, maybe this is what my life is going to be – I’m going to live at home forever, not get into graduate school, not find the love of my life and a bunch of other things. I got caught into a negative rut, thinking maybe I don’t deserve all things I was longing for and wanted for so long. But then in the back of my mind, a thought occurred – if you truly feel like you deserve these things, why at the first sign of adversity or an obstacle comes up, you’re questioning your worthiness to receive it? (Print that out and hang it somewhere!)

I wonder why I do this to myself, I get so worked up about things that are largely out of my control at the present moment and then begin to feel like I am undeserving of the things that God has told me specifically are for me. It’s crazy but you cannot settle for mediocrities. There are ENOUGH mediocre people in the world, you don’t need to be another one nor do you deserve to be one.

This quote has literally helped me deal with this: “Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment. Then, whether it fails or succeeds, at least you know you gave all you had. We need to live the best that’s in us.” – Angela Bassett. Now consider this? Right now, if you’re bringing your very best to this moment and every single moment in the future, you will get everything that you deserve. You’ll get the success you want, the love life you deserve, the body you want – the possibilities are literally endless.

Stay Encouraged Boo & Don’t Settle,

– Tanesha 🙂

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

Hi Ladies & Company, I met this wonderful man named William last year. He’s highly educated, God fearing, with a strong moral character. His first relationship was a long term one, and I can see why. I, on the other hand, have lied to him about my past. I was a bit of a wild girl growing up. I had a few one-night stands, a couple of sugar daddies, and a few trains run on me, but this was all done in the dark. When he asked me about my past, I was honestly very vague and told him that I was in a couple of long-term relationships. Should I come clean? or leave things as they are because our relationship is going really well. I am honestly terrified of his reaction. I am a female in my late twenties. – Tryna Come Clean.

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

First of all, I commend you for having the confidence to submit this question to us. Secondly, I think you need to really weigh the pros and cons of this relationship to make sure you both are 100% committed to each other now. If you both are, then it shouldn’t matter how colorful your past was. If it was me, I would probably not go into extreme detail about this wild past, however, I wouldn’t belittle the past either, or make it out to be something that it is not. You have a past and he should respect that. I think that if William is as good of a guy as he says and has been showing to you, he will forgive you. You don’t want to run into the problem what if he finds out or you run into someone from your past, then he could potentially be more upset about you being dishonest than the actual acts. If you are far enough removed from that part of your past life, it should be okay. I believe that you should’ve gone ahead tested for STDs, and other potential health issues. Also another thing to consider is that William probably has a past too, it might not be as “bad”, but he probably has some things in it that he wishes he could erase as well. If the relationship is strong, it shouldn’t matter. You both are together now in the present, and hopefully you will be in the future!

Keep It Classy,

T.Renae

3 Steps to Building Confidence

Do you feel like you are confident? When asked this question most people either say a solid “yes” or “I’m not really sure”. When reflecting on my freshmen year at Hampton University I thought about what really helped me to succeed and thrive while I was there. What helped me the most at Hampton was being “confident in my abilities and myself”. Confidence is knowing who you are on the inside and not being afraid to express and share your talents and ambitions with others. To me, confidence does not mean simply “popping out” every Friday at 12-2, even though those days are fun too. I compiled a list of things you have to truly understand to feel and be more confident.

  1. Your Mindset

Your mindset has to be aligned with the goals you wish to achieve. Having a positive mindset is key to building confidence. Speaking what you want to accomplish into existence pushes you to your goals. The law of attraction is real. If you put positive energy into anything you’re doing, a positive outcome is bound to happen. It does not always happen as quickly as you want it but having faith brings you a step closer to reaching your goals. Lastly, it is best you put your faith in something. If you believe in God trust in Him and His specific path for you. If you believe in the universe believe that it will give you what you dream and think the most about.

  1. Stepping out your “Comfort zone”

Stepping out your comfort zone has to be the hardest step, for most people. Why? Because most people don’t want to be embarrassed, isolated, or talked about negatively. Think, about it this way everyone has to start somewhere. President William R. Harvey did not just wake up and become Hampton University’s president for 37 years. He had to work hard, grind and have obstacles along the way. To get to the places that you want to go, you have to put yourself out there. Talk to people on campus you have been watching. Make them your mentor, especially if they are doing what you see yourself wanting to do in the future. Join clubs that will help you grow and challenge you. Taking yourself out of your comfort zone is never supposed to be a bad experience. It enlightens you and you learn from every situation. For example, annually Hampton University’s freshmen class runs an event called Battle of the States aka BOTS, a showcase of talent from each region. I cannot sing, I am neither a trained dancer nor a professional model. However, I knew 1. I could walk in heels which was half the battle and 2. That I wanted this to be a part of my college experience. From BOTS, I gained the ability to have a stage presence and be confident while in it.

  1. Stay in your “own” lane

Building confidence in yourself is your journey to make and no one else’s. You have to be willing to condition yourself and trying to become a better you every day. “What is meant for you will be for you”. Telling yourself this every day is essential. If you are in a competitive major such as journalism or business administration. You often here “everyone in here is your competition” and “you have to be better than the next man.” Instead of taking this to heart, use it as a catalyst to push you. But, to motivate you be glad in the fact that nobody can do things like you. Knowing that you are equipped and bring a different skill set and background, will build your confidence. Being unique is an advantage because we all have our individual paths to take.

Building confidence is not always easy, but it can be made easier by following these steps. In the end, being let down or disappointment can bruise your ego. It is going to happen because it happens to everyone. But don’t let it take away your confidence.

With Love,

-Mion E.

Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

Anyone who knows me knows I am very strategic, and a serious Type A person. I like things to be done a certain way, and in a certain manner. I always say if it’s not broken don’t fix it. I focus on planning and making things the best they can possibly be. With that being said, I am often told by many people that I am missing out on  life’s teachable moments and the glory of the unknown. (Which I still think is total bull.) But it was really starting to get to me.
So on my 21st birthday, instead of making a wish, I made myself a promise. I promised to become more adventurous, destroy my comfort zone, and to put myself out there more. I started trying new foods, applying to opportunities I thought I would never get in a million years, doing things that scare me (Like the 10 story slide in STL), and just being more adventurous with my life.
IT IS SO HARD, to break the habit of just keeping with the monotony of everyday life. But it has really changed my life.
It has definitely taught me that life is too short to be scared to do things. It has revealed to me, how much I doubt myself. Doubting myself isn’t good, but being able to recognize, and deal with it is. I am the most capable person to do anything I set my mind to.
So I encourage everyone who reads this to start being more adventurous with their lives because it makes it so much more EXCITING! Start trying new foods, talking to new people, and discussing new ideas. I believe that once you start breaking out of your comfort zone, your life will begin to change drastically. I cannot stress it enough. Once you do it, you will learn more about yourself, have new experiences, and learn about how much you can handle. I promise you won’t regret it!
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Keep It Classy,
-T.Renae

Happiness: The Inside Job!

Tips on making your life more genuinely happy! I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in the complacency of life. Then become super content with doing the same day to day things, every single day. I just felt like my life was too content. So I have been making a more conscious effort, to make my life genuinely happier.
  1. Realize you are not going to be happy every single day of your life. Life is hard sometimes, and it is very easy to get overwhelmed by the day to day stressors, life choices, and the world.
  2. Avoid Stress and Confrontation. For me, I try to plan out almost everything out. So my goals, instead of having to stress about how I am going to accomplish them, with my plan of action sheets, I have a step by step plan of what I need to do to accomplish it. And the confrontation section, I just don’t deal with it. I avoid it at all costs. If a person around me is getting hostile or angry, I walk away. Try to be the bigger person in everything.
  3. Don’t judge nor compare. The more you judge people and compare yourself to them, the less happy you will be. I always think of life as this “perception of reality”, and everyone has their own perceptions, so who I am to judge their perception when my perception may be weird to them.
  4. Take risks, face your fears! Get that adrenaline pumping! I always take life by the handlebars. Life starts and happens outside of your comfort zone!
  5. Just ride the wave. When things in your life start to go array, just go with it. God may be directing you to a new direction that you couldn’t see already. Riding the wave is sometimes difficult for me, because I like to plan and I am very Type A personality.
  6. Choose to be happy. I firmly believe that Happiness is a choice. Choose to look on the bright side of things, even when it is hard. You can do it!

Share your tips on being more genuinely happy below!!

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Keep It Classy,

-T.Renae

Words [of] Encouragement Wednesday: 6/10

“You Can.”
You can do any and everything you put your mind to! You want to lose 30 pounds, do it. You want to become smarter, start studying because you can be as smart as you want. You can dye your hair lime green, or blue. Stop allowing people to tell you what they think you can and can’t do. Honestly, they have no control over your life. You are the only person in control of YOUR life, so YOU CAN do whatever YOU want! Stay Encouraged.
– Ladies and Company 

Happy June ~ Check Out Our New Monthly Theme!

Happy June to everyone who follows, and reads this blog! So this month, the Ladies and Company Team, wanted to try out having a theme for the month, and centering all, well most of our posts about the theme. June’s Theme is “Unapologetically Loving Yourself,” and was hinted at on our Instagram Page @LadiesandCompany. So there will be tips, and lessons learned, and challenges through out the month to get you on the road to Unapologetically Loving Yourself !

– Ladies and Company 

Excerpt from a conversation to my HU little…

“Tanesha how’d you get so confident and happy? You’re life seems so perfect. ”

“I stopped allowing people into my head. And stopped listening to unqualified people’s opinion. The only qualified person who you should be listening to is yourself. I also stopped apologizing for who I am. If I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and be heartbroken every seven days, then I can do that. If I want to be naiive and young and curious, I can do that. No one can dictate who you are but you. And there’s no reason you should be apologizing for being who you are and who you want to be. And let’s just say in a month, you want to change who you are, guess what!? That’s okay! You can do that, and if people dislike you for changing your life around (hopefully in a positive manner), then you don’t need them in your life anyways. While not everyday is a good day. I work hard at being happy and making sure I’m only doing what makes me happy. And literally just cutting out all the things that make me unhappy, and just doing things that make me happy is how I’m so confident and happy. “