Dear Friends or more?

Hi Ladies, So I dated this guy like three years ago, and due the distance we broke up (I went to another country). We still remained friends, i mean best friends even! We can both be freely ourselves, as Christians. We are both waiting until marriage for sex and stuff. And it was a genuinely great time together. But now he’s coming to the same country as me to study. We’ve considered redating but I fear young people may judge our relationship because he’s a year younger than me. I mean he’s going to be at a completely different university as a freshman, and freshman year consists of A LOT of partying. Do I continue as friends with him, or date him and risk our good friendship? – Friends or more?

Dear Friends or More,

I would say follow your heart. Don’t worry about what other people will think about him being younger than you. I have dated men younger than me and nobody ever judged me for going younger. If you walk in confidence and feel comfortable about dating a younger man than nobody will even notice that he is younger, but if you walk around feeling like people are judging you then they will. As TdotRenae’s mother advised us, “You want a man that is younger than you because then you can train him to be the way you want him to be.” This is great advice because it makes sense and it is doable within a maturity level. If he is mature enough to be trained and still act his age then you have a keeper. I hope this helps!
Peace, Love & Harmony,
Averi Simone

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Dear Depressed and Ready to Mingle

Hi Ladies & Co., I have recently been diagnosed with depression. But I really don’t want it, or like for it to define me. I haven’t been in a relationship in over a year, but I feel as if I would like to start getting out there again. How should I go about it? Like no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that could be so negative all the time. – Depressed and ready to mingle?

Dear Depresses and ready to mingle,

If you want to be in a relationship I would first make sure that you want it for the right reasons. Make sure that you won’t be using a relationship as a way to get through your depression. You must first learn to manage your depression on your own before you bring someone else into the mix. Make sure you are aware of yourself and your feelings. You want to be able to communicate what is going on in your life you’re your partner effectively and in a timely manner.

I don’t think being diagnosed with depression should stop you from getting back into the dating world I just think that they are some things you need to make sure you will be able to do in a relationship. Make sure you will be able to support your partner despite your feelings. I believe that communication and understanding will be vital in the relationship. Find someone who understands and is able to console you when you need it. And who is strong enough on his own to be able to be strong for the both of you when you are not. You need someone who is just as committed to you and helping you to create and maintain a stable relationship as you are.

And then there’s always trying to be positive. Even though you may have negative thoughts that does not mean those thoughts can’t be counteracted by positive ones. I challenge you to flip every negative thought that comes to you mind into a positive one and then to either say that positive thought aloud or write it down and read it.

I wish you the best. Love endures all things,

– Heather

Dear New or Run,

Hey Ladies & Co.,

This is about to sound really bad. But I have feelings for a older man… He has a girlfriend that he’s told me he doesn’t even want to be with. He’s only with her, because he’s family loves her, and he doesn’t know how to break it off without hurting his family. Should I still pursue a relationship with him or leave him alone?

– New, or Run.

Dear New or Run,

I would definitely be running. He has a “lady friend” in his company already, and you don’t need to be in the midst of that drama. Older doesn’t always mean wiser. It is obvious he cares about his family, which is a good trait, however, he should be a man, and pursue what makes him happy. In my opinion, if he was being a wise man, he would know life is too short to be unhappy. His family may be hurt, but in the long run he’s also going to be hurting. I think you should just leave him alone until he gets his life together (honestly not even then, because it sounds like he maybe playing around), or until another good-looking, mature man walks into your life and sweeps you off your feet.

Keep It Classy,

– T.Renae

Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

Anyone who knows me knows I am very strategic, and a serious Type A person. I like things to be done a certain way, and in a certain manner. I always say if it’s not broken don’t fix it. I focus on planning and making things the best they can possibly be. With that being said, I am often told by many people that I am missing out on  life’s teachable moments and the glory of the unknown. (Which I still think is total bull.) But it was really starting to get to me.
So on my 21st birthday, instead of making a wish, I made myself a promise. I promised to become more adventurous, destroy my comfort zone, and to put myself out there more. I started trying new foods, applying to opportunities I thought I would never get in a million years, doing things that scare me (Like the 10 story slide in STL), and just being more adventurous with my life.
IT IS SO HARD, to break the habit of just keeping with the monotony of everyday life. But it has really changed my life.
It has definitely taught me that life is too short to be scared to do things. It has revealed to me, how much I doubt myself. Doubting myself isn’t good, but being able to recognize, and deal with it is. I am the most capable person to do anything I set my mind to.
So I encourage everyone who reads this to start being more adventurous with their lives because it makes it so much more EXCITING! Start trying new foods, talking to new people, and discussing new ideas. I believe that once you start breaking out of your comfort zone, your life will begin to change drastically. I cannot stress it enough. Once you do it, you will learn more about yourself, have new experiences, and learn about how much you can handle. I promise you won’t regret it!
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Keep It Classy,
-T.Renae

Settle or not to settle is the question??

As girls we always hear DON’T SETTLE!

But when you look around at all the fish and have picked your fish… you will sometimes wonder are there better fish in the sea. You thinking I can be alone but do I wanna!

Sometimes we think if we bend our beliefs a little it isn’t settling, it’s compromising right? Depends!

You have to look at the big picture, are you happy? Does this situation cause you more stress or happiness? Are the people around you affected by this relationship?

Are you looking into the future and seeing what he could offer? Well maybe you need to catch back up with him in the future. Settling for a potential shouldn’t be our goal as women. Did you ever think you might be blocking the man God has for you because you were scared or anxious and settled.

Starting over isn’t the worst thing in the world and releasing him to find the girl made just for him won’t kill you. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy but this is just the season for some ME time, time to “DATE” yourself so you can learn who you are for the person God has for you.

There is someone for everyone and sometimes you’re only designed for friendship with that person while God is preparing you for your relationship (CRAZY THOUGHT!).  If that person you feel you were settling for if its meant to be. God will work on them and they will come back!

I know being single can be a scary thing but you learn the most about yourself when you’re single! Final thoughts…….. DON’T SETTLE!

We got this ladies!

A.Rochell

Dating You!

What a concept?

Have you ever thought that maybe you can’t find anyone for you because you don’t know yourself??? *think about it* We all say, myself included. I am guilty; “we can’t find good men anymore” or one better “ I am single because I just don’t want to be”…. LIES WE TELL! LOL

Think about it… Would you date you if you were someone else? For those who say yes right off the back really think about it. On those bad days when you aren’t so pleasant and those days you just don’t want to be a bothered, would you date you?  We must take time to look at the person staring at you in the mirror!

As women most of us are looking for the right one because we know we have a lot to offer right? This is where we get a little confused because the bible says “HE that finds a good woman finds a good thing”….. Proverbs 18:22.  Trust me I know how hard that seems in our generation BUT it’s NOT our job to find a man it’s his job to find us.

If that means we’re single for months or even a year its God’s will and He is just getting us ready. In that time we need to figure out who we are, which I call dating yourself! I’m not saying you have to go to movies, dinner or concerts alone but I do feel you need to enjoy your own company because you shouldn’t need a man to feel complete. I’m learning God places a man in your life when you are complete within yourself, that man is an added bonus to put you on another level. 1 x 1=1 Get it? When God send you the MAN who becomes your husband them together you are one!!!

-A.Rochell

On Things I’ve learned about relationships….

From Pinterest, my mother, other relationships, etc

  1. Never EVER, under no circumstances talk bad about your significant other to other people. As far as the rest of the world knows, he is the most awesome person who has ever entered your life, even if he is not. Trust me, it prevents unwanted holes from being in your relationships, especially if you do not create the holes yourself, for other people outside of your relationship to fill. A dear friend of mine said “a relationship consists of two people, keep it like that.”
  2. Going off of that, Haters are going to hate. With that being said, there are always going to be people who are not a “fan” of your relationship, and you will have to deal with the nay-sayers. But so what, who cares if people don’t like or care for your boo, they don’t have to like him/her, you do!
  3. Speak Life into your significant other. Don’t put them down; believe in their dreams, especially if this is a person you foresee yourself being with them for a while. The more life you speak into theirs, the better yours will be.
  4. Don’t let your relationship run your life. It is great you are in a relationship, but you should always be working towards perfecting yourself. Don’t let that relationship be what defines you. Still do you, but do it accompanied with your sweetie.
  5. “How you get her, is how you keep her.” What you did at the beginning of the relationship, you should be able and willing to do throughout the relationship. Like if you’re sending 8 paragraphs good morning pages at the beginning of the relationship, and then you stop suddenly, your partner will be upset! Consistency is key!
  6. Be Spontaneous. Having spontaneity in your relationships creates more laughs, and even more good moments. Per a good friend of mine – sing your lady a song on her voicemail to make her day when you know she’s busy, send him a random letter, etc, because a boring relationship is one that does not last
  7. Communication is Key. Be sure to have and be able to have transparent and adult conversation with your significant other. Also, watch communication with members of the opposite sex. Make sure, your significant other knows that this person stands here in my life, and visa versa. There should be no grey areas here. Also make sure you try to understand where your other person is coming from, and see from their point of view. (*side note: NO ONE is a mind reader, therefore say what you mean, and mean what you say. )
  8. Learn to compromise. This kinda goes with communication, because when you both cannot agree on things, you will have to comprise. Not saying you have to be a push over, but some times you have to let the other person be great. Especially if you are trying to keep this person around in your life.

I hope this helps you in your relationships!! And let me know if you have some tips to add in the comments section!

-T. Renae

What to do when all your friends are “falling in love,” and you’re not,

Last year around this time I was becoming EXTREMELY depressed. It seemed like every one of my friends were going out on dates, and becoming infatuated with some guy and being oh so happy, etc., etc. I was a little on the jealous side… OK fine, I was a lot of the jealous side! But here’s what I did to overcome these feelings.

  1. GET BUSY. It doesn’t matter what you get busy doing, just do something. There is no worse feeling than on a Friday night, and you’re sitting there looking at a wall. Invest in Netflix and binge watch at least 6 shows, take up a new hobby (I took up making waist beads, and anklets), explore your local city, rediscover your library, just do something!
  2. Speaking of library, READ SOME BOOKS. More specifically read some women empowerment books! Here’s some: Power of the Pussy (part 1 and 2) by Kara King, Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, Mrs. Right by Tony A Gaskins Jr, Gentlewoman by Enitan O Bereola II (if you need more empowerment books email me at taneshajohnson@icloud.com)
  3. REVIST YOUR “CHECKLIST.” What I did personally was made a list of priorities vs. preferences. Priorities – are things that your man should not without. For example, one of my priorities on my life, is he has to know Christ, and have a relationship with God, while a preference is that he has huge muscles. See the difference? This will help you determine what really matters in a relationship, and recognize what really matters.
  4. FOCUS ON OTHER FRIENDSHIPS. Don’t cut off your friends who in the relationships. I mean sure, they now have an extra person in their circle, that does not mean you have been kicked out of their circle. It has just been a little expanded. You could also try to go out on group outings, inviting singles and couples. You could also just find other people in your “outer circle” to hang out with as well if you don’t want to be third-wheeling it.

Keep It Classy,

T. Renae

Dating Myths

While I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass a lot of important stuff came up I thought we should share. The information came from the books He’s not that into you by Greg Behrendt and Its just a f***ing date by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, which are a must read for the ladies! Here are the myths I think we all should know when we’re dating and in general for the ladies!

Myth 1: A man will make my life complete.

You should be complete and he should be complete and together you two should make a vend diagram and have that shared area between the two of you.

Myth 2: I just can’t hold back.

Keep it simple! Just try to have fun! Important life changing things you should be upfront about but other than that don’t scare them away!

Myth 3: He shouldn’t care how I look.

First impressions mean everything! As much as we say he should love me at my worst, when you’re going out look your best!

Myth 4: Sex will seal the deal!

Sex can wait! Men like the chase! If you just want a fun time go head but if you want a serious relationship WAIT!

Myth 5: I only attract losers!

You attract who you are! When you’re a “watch-er”, you attract losers. if you’re a “do-er” they don’t exist for you! (Meaning losers)

Myth 6: Men can’t handle my success

Strong women only intimidate weak men!!! Never play your intelligence or success down for a man! Real men want successful women. If a man says he’s intimidated by your intelligence or success it’s a cope out! He’s just not that into you!

IMPORTANT NOTES!!!!!

*Keep these in mind*

Know your worth!

Women have the power! A man will only do what you allow them to do! They like the chase!

Put yourself out there!

Stop texting! Stop hanging out! Start going out on dates! We’re not too young!

It’s all about the chase!!

You have to be you!

Have self-control!

You could be a big deal if you thought you were a big deal!

Honor yourself!

Teach people how to treat you!

Women go wrong when they date a man’s potential except his reality!

Dating Mantras (Place these somewhere you can see it daily!)
*Quick Review*
1. You don’t need a man to complete you

2. Hold back-he doesn’t need to know everything

3.First impressions are important

4. You attract what you are

5. Sex will never seal the deal

6. A man should not be intimidated by your success

– A. Rochell

Get to really know someone when dating

I will admit I am a fairly shy person. I do not always like talking face to face or on the phone, but what I would like to try is for the next “relationship” I pursue to be based on communication. I feel like most relationships do not thrive because this generation is all about getting what they want, when they want it, and they want it right now, but that’s not how relationships work.

If you truly want a relationship to last you have to get to know the person and the only way to do that successfully, is to talk to them. Not text them, facebook message them, and most definitely not through twitter. Getting to know the intonation in the persons voice, learning through observations what pushes their buttons and their interests. Yes, the initial 20 questions are necessary to see if you and this person have something in common other than the attraction to their exterior. But after you’ve found that common ground, talk to them, spend hours on the phone like our parents did. Go out on dates and actually talk!!! That’s the only way you will get to know someone in a deeper sense. Get below the surface. This is for the guys and girls alike. So many opportunities will be missed if you don’t step out of your comfort zone. If you think someone is attractive step up to them, talk to them. Ladies I know its been “tradition” to wait for the man to approach you, but if the guy you always see in the library catches your eye go get him. Let them know who you are through the words that come out of your mouth, not through text on a screen. Stop hiding behind technology before we are unable to do anything and technology takes over.  I think this year we have to do better. Together lets do better everyone.

At least that’s my thought.

-Averi-Simone