Dear Friends No More?

Dear ladies and company, I don’t really need love advice, but more like friend advice. I have been friends with this young lady for years, however over the years, she’s becoming such a stank mean person. She expects everyone in our circle to drop everything for her, and sometimes I can’t because I have other priorities such as my dogs, family, and jobs. I’m being kinda vague but for example, she wanted to do a huge week of events for her 21st birthday. And so we (all of her friends) got her this awesome bunch of gifts, and she was so ungrateful! She was like, I don’t even like anything y’all got me. After we spent all this money, not only for the gifts but all the events and stuff. Do you think it’s time to let this friendship go? I just feel bad because she doesn’t have any other friends, and I think that’s why… – Friends No More?

Dear Friends No More,

I am sorry that you have the bad end of the stick with your friend! Maybe she doesn’t know how she’s behaving because no one has ever called her on it. I would probably approach her about it, and just let her know that what she said about the gift was uncalled for, and that she should be grateful that she even got anything. I would let her know that if she wants to continue ya’lls friendship, somethings are going to have to change. Friendships grow and change with time, so it might be time to let this one go. If you feel more strain and tension towards her than you do happy feelings and warm fuzzies. Let it go! You deserve better.

Keep It Classy,

– T. Renae

Dear Confuzzled Feelings

Hey Ladies, There was a guy that I talked to for a second (Like literally for only a month or two) We flirted and hung out every once in a while. He wanted a relationship, but I didn’t want to go there with him. I knew that he wasn’t the one for me and just wanted to be friends. I wouldn’t even let him kiss me, only a peck on the check twice, maybe.  Fast forward to about 5 years later, we’ve both moved on with our lives. Now I hear that he’s really falling hard for one of my closest girlfriends. I mean he’s asked me if it would be a problem that he wants to you know, holla at her. Being that we were never together, officially or whatever. What should I do? Should I feel some type of way? After all,  we weren’t a “thing” right, and I never even wanted anything with him? I haven’t told my friend that he wants to talk to her yet, I mean should I? I don’t have feelings for him, and still not trying to be with him. Should I feel some type of way if she wants to talk to him because he was mine first? – Confuzzled feelings.

Well as far as actually having this guy. I don’t think you had him. It’s also five years later, his feelings for you most likely do not exist anymore. So you maybe having feelings for him back then, or even now – it’s a little too late. I don’t think he was really yours to begin with. You can’t claim authority over someone who you “don’t even want”. I think on one hand you really did want him, and you just didn’t know how to confront your feelings or admit your feelings to yourself (and him). But again it probably is a little too late, being that it is 5 years later and he’s falling for your girlfriends. I don’t think you should feel any type of way, because he’s moved on from the past and you should too. I think as man, I believe he should tell her himself that he wants to talk to her. You should move yourself out of the way of his happiness, and on to better things.

Keep It Classy,

– T.Renae

Dear In Love or Nah,

Hola #AskTheLadies, i think I am still in love with this guy, but y’know I’m unsure because we don’t talk like we used to, partly because he’s also dealing with another girl. He hasn’t put titles on either of our relationships. We had issues and I could no longer cope with his lies. I’ve told him if he wants to talk to her, he should leave me alone. The problem is he doesn’t want to . Well I didn’t give him a choice, and I left, though I was extremely upset that it couldn’t just be the 2 of us. We didn’t talk for over a month BUT he kept persisting. Calling me, texting me, facetiming me and so on. I’ve discovered that this other girl is still in the picture. I don’t understand why he wants to have me around  when he has her. I just need help figuring out whether my strong feelings for him are love? or am i attached because of the chemistry we had? -In Love or Nahh
Dear In Love or Nah,
You will always have some form of love, bond, or connection with someone that you have spent a lot of time with. However, you can’t force someone to be with you or want to talk to you. He is his own person and makes his own decisions. You were right for leaving him and not speaking to him because he was entertaining someone else. Even though it may hurt to see him with this other girl, just try to focus on yourself and moving forward in your life. I’m sure you probably gave him a lot of yourself but being stuck on him can possibly leave you to miss out on another guy, who respects, love, and adores you. Most importantly a guy that, cares about you enough not to entertain other women. You may still have love because as a woman we tend to love hard and become really emotionally attached, but you are probably not in love anymore with him.
Stay Strong,
Mion Edwards

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

Hi Ladies & Company, I met this wonderful man named William last year. He’s highly educated, God fearing, with a strong moral character. His first relationship was a long term one, and I can see why. I, on the other hand, have lied to him about my past. I was a bit of a wild girl growing up. I had a few one-night stands, a couple of sugar daddies, and a few trains run on me, but this was all done in the dark. When he asked me about my past, I was honestly very vague and told him that I was in a couple of long-term relationships. Should I come clean? or leave things as they are because our relationship is going really well. I am honestly terrified of his reaction. I am a female in my late twenties. – Tryna Come Clean.

Dear Tryna Come Clean,

First of all, I commend you for having the confidence to submit this question to us. Secondly, I think you need to really weigh the pros and cons of this relationship to make sure you both are 100% committed to each other now. If you both are, then it shouldn’t matter how colorful your past was. If it was me, I would probably not go into extreme detail about this wild past, however, I wouldn’t belittle the past either, or make it out to be something that it is not. You have a past and he should respect that. I think that if William is as good of a guy as he says and has been showing to you, he will forgive you. You don’t want to run into the problem what if he finds out or you run into someone from your past, then he could potentially be more upset about you being dishonest than the actual acts. If you are far enough removed from that part of your past life, it should be okay. I believe that you should’ve gone ahead tested for STDs, and other potential health issues. Also another thing to consider is that William probably has a past too, it might not be as “bad”, but he probably has some things in it that he wishes he could erase as well. If the relationship is strong, it shouldn’t matter. You both are together now in the present, and hopefully you will be in the future!

Keep It Classy,

T.Renae

Dear To Swirl or Not,

Bonjour Ladies & Company. Me and my beau have been together for about a year. He’s a really good guy and we want to commit. The problem is my family. They don’t approve because he isn’t Black. They have always been very proud of their heritage. Should I accept his proposal or not. I’m so confused. – To Swirl Or Not

Dear To Swirl or Not,
Love has no color, shape or size! Times have changed and we are all free to express our love freely with whoever we want too. If a man loves you and treats you right you should definitely accept the proposal because these days a good man is hard to find. If you family loves you at the end of the day they probably just want to see you happy. They might not approve at first and may even push away for some time but I’m sure they’ll definitely come around. Sometimes families or individuals can be stuck in the past but love conquers all. Your family may not be open to interracial dating but once they see how this man values their daughter, they will have to open their minds to change. Love has no racial identity and I’m a big supporter of interracial relationships. At the end of the day I’d pray on it because God has the final say so! I can understand the difficult in this situation because you don’t want to have to choose between love and family. Family does mean a lot to me and their opinion would matter a great deal but if that’s the man God sent to you, it’ll all work out in due time and God will change the hearts of your family to be more open minded.

Open to Love,

Arielle Rochell 

“I am a woman who appreciates a man who…”

So last week, I posted “I am a man who appreciates a woman who…” and I thought, maybe the guys need some love too. So I decided I would do a sort of “rebuttal,” from the the ladies to show that men are also appreciated. So I asked some of my girl friends to complete the sentence, “I am a woman who appreciates a man who….”

  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who has ambition and goes after what he wants. ” – Starr
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who knows exactly what to do before I have to ask/say it and Prays, loves hard, does the little things. ” – Leah
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who loves me the same way I love him, appreciates me and prays for and with me. ” – JaKeya
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who puts God first, Can support me in all endeavors and loves me for me. ” – Jasmin
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who i can pray with. ” – Mykea
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who has a continual relationship with God and knows Jesus Christ is his Lord and Savior and Who is ambitious, supporting of my goals, caring, respectful, family oriented and plans to build a family together. ” – Keirsten
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who submits to God. ” – Maya
  •  “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who admires me for my intelligence & personality rather than my looks.” – Morgan
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who appreciates the value of a good woman, who loves and respects his mother, who is led by God and follows God because if he doesn’t follow God how could I follow him, and who pushes me to higher heights as I help him through his journey. ” – Arielle
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who knows himself through his relationship with God, who respects me and loves me the same if not more than  I love him and who will pray and lead our household with me beside him. ” – Averi
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who follows God’s lead in treating me like the queen I am and who is obedient to the call God has placed over his life and respects the call that God has placed over my life.” -Heather
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who still believes in Chivalry, is a God fearing man, grow and learn with, and who will stick with me through the tough times as well as the amazing times and a man who knows the true meaning of love. ” – Dominique
  • “I am a woman who appreciates a man who caters to my needs. ” – My mother.
  • “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who humbles himself before God. ” – Cutina
  • “I’m a woman who appreciates a man who is just as ambitious as I am.” – Tay-Lor

Keep It Classy,

-T. Renae

Dear What should I do,

Hi, I’ve been in a rollercoaster relationship for YEARS now. It started off so promising! As most relationships do. We both fell in love, or atleast I did, and he says he did. But then after a while, he says he just fell out of love with me. We’ve walked out of each other’s lives a few times, but always seem to manage to hold on to the physical part, not necessarily sex, but cuddling and all that good stuff. My wants never change so I don’t understand why he keep coming back. Like thinking I would be okay with just sex! What should I do? I am still very much in love with him, and every time he comes back, I literally relive the memories and times of when we were good… – What should I do?

Dear What should I do,

If he is not giving you what you want or need then I would let it go. You may have to fight to let it go, but I’d let it go. There is no reason to wait around and keep trying to make the same thing work over and over again. Odds are it will be painful to let go off the thought of you two being together. When you let him go you won’t be letting go of those feelings with him so it may hurt a little. But that is the price we pay when we fall for the wrong guy. Love is a gamble, we win some and we lose some. When we lose it hurts like crap, but when we win it’s unimaginable.

And if you let it go, let it go for good. Don’t hold on to the physical stuff, no cuddling, no sex, no constant communication. I would just cut everything off so that you can start to rebuild yourself completely separate from him and with no distractions.

Let the memories remain memories and build yourself the future that you want. Don’t dwell on the past, but build a new thing.

-Heather 🙂

Dear Dealing Wit Da Ex,

Hi. So my ex and I broke up, a little over a year ago now. I just recently started talking to someone new, and he’s so awesome and amazing and loving and just great! But now my ex wants to come back. He is blaming me for him cheating.. Like he says if i didn’t call and text all the time, or be around him all the time, he wouldn’t have gotten bored and cheated on me. Like what? My new guy is ready to snap on my ex (which is kinda cute). But I dont want any problems with us to start with, ESPECIALLY if its from my past relationship. How do i handle this without it escalating with my new man getting involved? – Dealing Wit da Ex.

Hey Girl!

First off congrats on the new boo – he sounds like such a winner! Second, your ex sounds like a major jerk. Cheating because your bored is an excuse, if he wanted to be committed to you, he would’ve been – point blank. That’s not shade to you, its shade to him because he couldn’t be man enough to just leave the relationship, instead he took a coward way out and cheated. Tell your new guy not to worry – I would block your ex on social media and if you have an iPhone block him on there too (if you don’t have an iPhone you can go to your phone company and get his number blocked, or change your number completely) because he doesn’t even deserve to see you happy anymore. Cut all ties with him, and focus all your attention on your new boo, and your happiness!

Keep It Classy, 

T.Renae

Tanesha’s Truth on Relationships

Prior to dating my current boyfriend, deep deep deep down inside, I hated relationships, with burning passion. I always felt like I was putting in more effort than I was receiving and that they weren’t really worthy of my precious God given time. So for a while I just kinda stopped dating, I mean I still talked to guys here and there, but nothing serious. And if I am being completely honest with myself, I knew I was wasting my time with these guys. Sure they were nice, but no one I wanted to be with long term, or even be serious with. So once I was out of that phase I decided that I needed to make some boundaries or better standards for myself when it came to dating. The rules I made, if I do say so myself, worked out pretty well because I am now dating the most amazing guy on Earth.
So here we go.
  1. You must really intimately know him for at least 2-3 months before beginning to date him. – I knew that being in a serious long term relationship meant that we would first have to be extremely good friends. People always say that the best relationships come from friendships. So I figured why not test this theory.
  2. He must meet all of your serious dating MUST HAVE checklist – No, I’m not talking about that superficial checklist where the guy has to be 6’6, basketball player, with a sensitive soul. I’m talking about the things he must have to even be considered in these dating games like honesty, respect, humbleness, etc.
  3. Effort must be shown consistently. – Both parties are involved in this. Relationships in my opinion are 100/100, and I refuse to be giving 100, and he’s only giving 50. It makes no sense and leaves one person hurt, usually the person who is putting forth the effort.
  4. Never settle for less than butterflies. – I feel like I deserve to be wow-ed. Dating today has become boring and effortless and not in a good way. I knew I wanted a long term relationship with someone who floored me all the time. Not necessarily with materialistic things, with like good-morning phone calls, random flowers, cute little notes, compliments, surprises, etc.
  5. Your gut must say yes too. – Sometimes a guy can have everything you want and need and STILL BE WRONG FOR YOU! Trust me I know! Listen to your womanly intuition, and trust it, because 8/10 it’s right. If your gut is say stay clear, STAY CLEAR!
What I’ve learned keeping these boundaries and standards, is that the right guy for you will meet all these and more. These standards are not asking for too much, Serious, long term relationships are nothing like in the movies, where you meet him, the next day fall in love, and then have earth shattering sex, and then everything is great, and ya’ll live happily ever after. I mean, it is a possibility that it could end up that way, but it is also a possibility that it won’t. Relationships take five important components: Communication, Time, Commitment, Effort, Consistency, and Fun. Communication is valuable and needed for any relationship to flourish. Its not about how much you talk, rather the QUALITY of the conversation. Without communication your relationship will not work. It’s literally that simple, so if you’re struggling in this domain like do not pass go do not collect $200 do not go on to the next level because you’re not ready for for a serious relationship. You both have to put in the time and effort into the relationship, its really that simple. You are going to have to be there for that person, and it shouldn’t feel like a burden, you should want to be there for your significant other. Relationships shouldn’t feel like work, they should feel more like an extension of your happiness. Your happiness, and your significant others happiness should expand over each other kinda like a Venn Diagram. Similarly a true, real, genuine relationship should swirl into each other. Relationships should make you a better person, well rounded, want to achieve more, not the opposite. And with that one of the main things I am doing in my not new relationship is that I’m making sure I don’t lose who I am, and what I want to become, and he doesn’t lose who he is, or what he wants. Making sure we achieve our individual’s dreams and goals, so we don’t lose ourselves is apart of our healthy relationship. So in essence my truth on relationships, maybe different, but it has truly worked for me, and I hope it can work for you too!
-T.Renae

Dear Friends or More,

Hello Ladies and Co, Recently I have gotten in to this pretty amazing relationship, with my crush (who I have been crushing on forever!). We have been dating for a little while now, and he finally introduced me to the people he hangs out with. We kind of run in different circles. I was so excited and a little nervous to meet all the people he hangs out with! I thought our first party together went really well, until my boyfriend told me that one of his friends didn’t like me. While he didn’t defend me, do you believe your mate (boyfriend, boo, or husband) should have a friend of the opposite sex that isn’t very fond of you? He could’ve just been scared to lose his friend of so many years. Would you trust or would you worry about their intentions? – Friends or more?

 

Hi Friends or more,

Men are very sensitive creatures and change is no one of their strong suits. If it was me in the situation. I would just ask him about it. Relationships are supposed to have open and clear communication pathways. It obviously hurt your feelings because of his lack of defending you. I think its absolutely okay for my significant other to have a friend who isn’t fond of me, because she doesn’t have to be. He does. It would bother me if her not liking started to hinder my relationship. Like she was all up in his ear saying negative things about me, and he agree with her. Because that’s not cool at all. I mean if you are concerned about his intentions, then maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him to begin with. In a good, healthy relationship you shouldn’t have to worry about his intentions because they should already be clear to you. I hope that this works out, and your relationship is prosperous.

-T.Renae

 

 

Dear Friends or more,

There will always be someone who doesn’t like you in this world. This person just happens to be a friend of your boyfriend. At this early stage in the relationship I wouldn’t “worry” too much about it but keep an eye and ear on the situation. Because your boyfriend did not defend you the first time may just mean he doesn’t know how to react to the situation, but if it seems to become a habit and he lets this person get away with saying anything negative about you, thats bad for the relationship. But don’t jump the gun and break up now. You all just need to have a serious talk as with every other bump in the relationship. Your boyfriend needs to know how you feel about being talked about and he also needs to value you enough so that no one will be able to speak badly about what it is that he treasures (you, hopefully). If he seems to value the opinion of his friend over the reputation of you, this might not be a relationship you want to pursue further.

-AT

 

 

Dear Friends or more,

You just started dating this guy, so I wouldn’t worry too much about one of his female friends not liking you. (It is probably because she likes him) If he is still with you after her expressing this to him, then she probably doesn’t have much of a say on who he dates. As long as boundaries are not crossed, (i.e. talking long hours on the phone after 11pm, or something else you just don’t feel comfortable with) let him worry about her. If it is really bothering you then I would suggest ways that you all can hang out in a non party 1 on 1 setting, so that she can get a feel for you. That is depending on how strongly you feel for him. You are probably very young, so try to have fun. Don’t let other people rain on your parade.

Peace, Love, and Harmony,  

Averi-Simone

 

 

Hi friends and more!

I myself have come across a similar situation with my boyfriend and I learned men can be very gullible and naive. Your boyfriend probably didn’t think much of the situation honestly BUT  you guys need to have a serious conversation and set boundaries early on so he can understand that that’s not acceptable in the relationship. If his friend doesn’t respect or like you that means they don’t respect or like the relationship so they can’t be friends. If he feels it’s a harmless  friendship and she stands as no threat, allow time to play out because  everything comes out eventually!  Don’t lose sleep over it and allow him to handle the situation .

A. Rochelle