A Love Letter to Rejection

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To My Not-So-Dearest Friend, Rejection,

I am so sorry you get such a bad rep – I would say that you deserve better, but I am not sure that is the most fitting for you. You at least deserve for people to respect you.

You taught me what it means to be persistent.

You are so necessary in the world. And you have taught me so much about myself and about how I function than I can ever thank you for.

You taught me that every “no,” is an opportunity to learn something, gain more experiences, to enjoy the journey more and keep trying.

You taught me that you will not kill me. I spent years avoiding you, honestly, like the plague. I feared you. I thought that meeting you meant that I had failed in some way or form. But we both know that isn’t true.

You have changed me in many ways – you have allowed me to see my potential and the areas where I need to improve.

The more you come around, the easier it is to experience you. I am glad that I am learning to accept you more and more in my life.

You’ve pushed me out into the open waters of uncertainity and forced me to learn to float. To learn how to be in the “uncomfort zone” – where all my best work, my potential and my fears lie.

I won’t say that I love you, but I definitely need you in my life.

Best,

– Tanesha Renae

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Let It Be Done In Love!

Let It Be Done In Love

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“Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Ephesians 5:2 NLT

A few weeks ago on my YouTube channel, I talked about how to be a better person and one of the things I said to do is to do things with love. In the video, I didn’t go into a lot of practical ways to live in love so that’s what this blog post is about.

  1. Love yourself. This is first and foremost! I mean, honestly think about it – how can you live in love and let love follow freely from your heart if you don’t even love yourself first. Your heart should be filled to the brim with love and once you start to love yourself more it will overflow and pour out into everything you do and touch.
  2. Be Considerate. For me, this is done by considering other people’s feelings and what they might be going through in their lives. For example, if someone is being a poor friend to me, instead of lashing out, getting upset, or even cussing them out – I always first try to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe my friend is under a lot of stress and pressure these days, or maybe this person doesn’t know they are being unkind.
  3. Perform Acts of Kindness. This one is pretty self-explanatory. You don’t have to go all out or even spend money (such as paying for the car behind you foods/Starbucks behind you). You could just hold the door for someone and say “I hope you have a blessed rest of your day,” or if you see someone frowning tell them hello! You never know what people are going through, and your smile or hello, or “have a great day,” might help them get through those tough situations in their life.
  4. Love encourages more love. The more you outwardly live your life with love, I firmly believe that the more love will return to your life. I honestly feel like the more I’ve been intentional about being kind and living in love – the happier I have been. I no longer allow people to upset me, and just love them in spite of themselves.

I hope this encourages you to live in love! What are some ways you will begin to live your life in love? Share below in the comments!

XOXO,

– Tanesha Renae

Things I Learned in 2016 That I Am Bringing Into My 2017

It has been about 7 or 8 days into 2017 (at least when I am writing this) and everyone around me has been either saying “new year, new me – I am overhauling my life to make more positive changes and resolutions” or the more self-righteous “I don’t need New Years to recreate myself – I do that every week.” I am somewhat in the middle. This new year, I am super excited about the upcoming possibilities and opportunities that are coming my way. However, I didn’t get there by happenstance – without 2016 there wouldn’t be this chance for 2017.

So here are some of the lessons that I learned in 2016, that I am definitely taking with me into 2017.

  1. It is absolutely OK to not be OK. You are under no circumstances required to be OK all the time. There are days when you are going to be unhappy, distraught, stressed out, worried, etc – and that’s okay. Life is not roses and daisies all the time and that is okay. Honestly, think about this, if life was everything you wanted it to be, you wouldn’t be satisfied nor have an appreciation for all the good that is going on. You gotta take the good with the bad. Balance.
  2. Positive in, Positive Out. You must speak life and positivity over your future and your life. My mother and my friend are always saying you must visual your success and have positive thoughts about your future. Otherwise, it won’t happen. You have to have confidence that the things you desire, the love you want, the job/career you want, all of those things and more will come to you.
  3. Planning is great, but God’s plan is perfect. I am a planner by nature, I like to know what’s going to happen, when it is going to happen, why it is happening – everything. But God does not work like that at all. Not because He is going to harm us, rather because he has plans to prosper us in the future (my paraphrase from Jeremiah 29:11). Furthermore, God’s plan is perfect, absolutely perfect (so perfect we cannot even comprehend). There is nothing in the perfect plan of God, that is not meant for your good. There was a quote by Lisa Bever – she stated, “If you think that you have blown God’s for your life, rest in this: You, my beautiful friend, are not that strong.”
  4. Time heals all wounds, even the ones that hurt the most. Both physical and mental wounds are the same in some sense. First, you get hurt and then you got to put a bandage over the wound to not infect it anymore but also to give your body time to do what it is designed to do heal. Even for mental and emotional wounds, you have to put a bandage on it and give it time to heal. Invest your time into healing yourself. You cannot rush healing my friend, you have to go through all the pain, suffering and once you experience all that you will be allowed to heal.
  5. You deserve to be treated well. People’s actions are not a reflection of you, but rather of you. You don’t have to be a savage, specially in the “world of being a savage.” It is okay to treat others better than they treat you. There are not enough kind-hearted people in the world. But with this, do not be mistaken – I am not saying put up with everyone’s crap. I’m saying treat people kindly, but be sure to take care of yourself.

With all that being said, I hope that 2017 brings you everything that you need to be the best version of yourself.

I love you bunches.

XOXO,

– Tanesha J.

Perfect Post-Break Up Playlist

Are you going through a tough break up and need a mini pick me up? I know for me, listening to certain “empowering” songs helps get me through the tough time of a break-up. Honestly, any kind of good music helps – AS LONG AS IT’S NOT SAD because we don’t have time for any more tears! Here are some of my favorite Post-Break Up Songs with their music videos AND my favorite lyric! (Please note: These are not in any particular order!)

  1. Shout Out to My Ex by Little Mix 
    My Favorite Lyric: “Even though you broke my heart in two, baby/ But I snapped right back, I’m so brand new, baby/ Boy, read my lips, I’m over you,”
  2. Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele 
    My Favorite Lyric: “I’m giving you up/  I’ve forgiven it all/ You set me free, oh/ Send my love to your new lover/ Treat her better/ We’ve gotta let go of all of our ghosts/ We both know we ain’t kids no more,”
  3. Needed Me by Rihanna 
    Favorite Lyric: “Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad b*tch/ Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?/ F*ck your white horse and a carriage,”
  4. Sorry by Beyoncé 
    Favorite Lyric: “I had enough/ I ain’t thinking ’bout you/ I ain’t thinking ’bout/ Middle fingers up/ Put them hands high/ Wave it in his face/ Tell ’em boy bye”
  5. Up Out My Face by Mariah Carey featuring Nicki Minaj
    Favorite Lyric: “If you see me walking by you/ Boy don’t you even speak/ Pretend you on the sofa/ And I’m on the TV”
  6. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift 
    Favorite Lyric: “Uggg… so he calls me up and he’s like, “I still love you,”/ And I’m like… “I just… I mean this is exhausting, you know, like/ We are never getting back together. Like, ever””
  7. So What by P!NK 
    Favorite Lyric: “I guess I just lost my husband/ I don’t know where he went/ So I’m gonna drink my money/ I’m not gonna pay his rent (nope)/ I got a brand new attitude/ And I’m gonna wear it tonight”
  8. Stitches by Shawn Mendes 
    Favorite Lyric: “Got a feeling that I’m going under/ But I know that I’ll make it out alive/ If I quit calling you my lover/ (and) Move on/”
  9. Forever Don’t Last by Jazmine Sullivan
    Favorite Lyric: “Still think about the good times we had/ And how you used to make me laugh/ But, baby, I know most times we were miserable/ So every time I wanna call, baby, what always helps/ Is when I think of the pain, and I realize/ I’m better off by myself”
  10. Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects
    Favorite Lyric: “When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell”

What are some of your favorite “Break Up” Songs? Share Below in the comments and we can have a huge playlist going!

XOXO,

– Tanesha

Thank Your Ex-Boyfriend.

Sometimes you just have to thank your ex-boyfriend.

A few Sundays ago my father’s sermon was titled, “Enough is Enough” from Mark 5:25-34. The part of his sermon that stuck out the most to me is this story. It was about a girl who had grown so much in her life. The short version of the story was this young lady had the minister come over to bless her new home. While there, the minister saw a picture of a man on her table. The minister asked the woman was this man her friend, cousin or brother but she quickly explained to him that he was her ex-boyfriend. I kid you not all of us women in the church was like “oh no! Warning! Unhealthy! She must be crazy!”

My dad laughs then continues his story, the woman left this picture of her ex-boyfriend because without the challenges and heartbreak he put her through, she wouldn’t be the woman she is today. After they broke up, she grew so much in her ministry with God, learned more about her self-worth and was able to face challenges because the situation made her stronger. So her reasoning for keeping the picture of the kitchen table was a reminder to thank him for helping her get to the place where she was today.

Now keeping a picture on the kitchen table might be a bit extreme but the moral of the story stuck with me. When we experience a negative break up, initially we dwell on all the negatives. I also do this myself. When actually we need to focus more on what we learned from those relationships and grow from those experiences. As women, we dwell so much on the hurt and pain that man caused us, but the key is to learn and grow. We have to push through the hurt and use the pain to push us to higher heights. The key is to dwell on the lessons learned and to focus on your growth in the process.

Therefore, let’s thank our exes for helping to end that chapter so we can focus on what God has in store. Trust and believe this will not be easy but we have to stop running from our pain. We have to face our pain and allow it to push us into all we have ever wanted and needed. I’m not saying keep a picture (unless it’s one you really look bomb in) but keep those memories as they push you into a more powerful, peaceful and purposeful you!

Love Always,

– A. Rochell

“What has been your biggest love lesson you’ve learned in your life?” – As Told From Men

So I asked several young and old men, what they believed to be their biggest love lesson. Here are the results. They are rather interesting!

“Don’t get attached, too quickly. But don’t be scared to love.” – Preston, 15

“My biggest love lesson is keep chasing. The same chase that I had in the early stages is necessary for survival in the relationship. Complacency is the death of relationships so I have to keep trying and keep showing that I love the person I’m with and I still want them therefore I gotta keep chasing. Showing them the same amount of affection from day 1 to now. Without it everything kinda falls apart slowly.” – Chrispus, 21

“The biggest lesson I have learned, is that there is a difference between love and lust. When I was younger, I believed that the emotion I felt was love. Really I just luster after my partner. I wasn’t trying to spend time, or actually be involved with the other person. I was just trying to sleep with them. I feel bad for doing that. I should have tried to establish a mental and emotional relationship instead of just a physical one.” – Rainy, 24

“I learned that relationships are tools to learn about yourself and to learn about the world we live in. The end game isn’t always about having someone forever. It’s about understanding who we are in relation to everybody else.“ – David, 20

“I’ve seen many situations and been with many women with boyfriends and girlfriends so I’d have to say the lesson I’ve learned is…..don’t trust these….women that’ll fuck anything with two legs Haha” – Wilfred, 19

“Don’t let love distract you from your friends and family. At the end of the day, those people will be there for you if that relationship doesn’t work out.” -Devin, 23

“The biggest love lesson I have learn is patience. To be able to truly love someone you have to have patience. Patience in your partner changing into who you wish for them to be and patience for them when you change into who they wanna be. Then patience for love patience for what happens in your life’s together. Patience for when they are busy and you are not and really wish to talk to them. Patience is the key to a healthy and strong relationship.” -Charles, 21

“There has only been one time in my life where I have truly been in love. I never knew what it was like to be in love. I have learned what it means to love someone and loving them so much that you would do anything for them. I realized that the one love lesson that I have learned in my life is that there is a huge difference between loving someone and being in IN LOVE with someone. I have experienced it once but it didn’t last because of the situation we were in but I know I still love her. Maybe in the future we may cross paths again but I learned that in order to truly love someone you have to make sacrifices for that person and maybe sometimes go to the ends of the earth for them. For me, I am still learning to do that and I hope that through my lessons and my experiences I will be able to give just as much love to my significant other as I have gotten in the past.” – David, 22

“I feel that you should stay true to yourself. The right people will stick around, and the ones you would never expect ” Chad, 21

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned would have to be to not let my past relationships affect my level of trust for my current relationship .” – Justin, 21

“The biggest love lesson I have learned in my life would probably have to be that Love will always be a two way street. If both partners aren’t open and willing to love then it will never work out. In addition to that, even if both partners are on the same page outside influences can be the death of a relationship.” – Chris, 23

“My biggest love lesson I’ve learned for my age is that you can’t put your significant other on a pedestal. Not saying its a bad thing to think highly of your significant other and hold them at a higher standard, but we are all human. Everyone makes mistakes whether its as small as forgetting the toilet seat down or something bigger than that. If you put your significant other on a pedestal you’re setting yourself up for constant disappointment because you believe they can make no mistakes or do no wrong. And you don’t want to taint that perfect image you have of your significant other. Once you understand that no one is perfect, your relationship will go a lot smoother in my opinion. Just have to work with your significant other in order to grow into a stronger couple because you don’t want small things ruining a good relationship. ” -Philip, 20

“‘Embrace the unknown’ I realized that everything in my love life that did not go as I planned always worked out for the greater good. I have to continue to follow God purpose for my love life rather than my flesh. ” -Bryant, 21

“The biggest lesson about love that I learned is that no matter how prepared you are/think you are for the complications that come along with being in love you still will be pushed to your limits.” – Cordell, 28

“The biggest lesson I learned was to trust me heart and have faith. There’s someone out there for everyone and you’ll find that person when you lease expect it. Love yourself first before you love someone else because it’s not fair to them. Learn to be alone because once you know how to make yourself happy you won’t depend on someone else to do it for you.” -Kam, 27

I know I can definitely use some of these lessons in my own life.

What have been some of your biggest love lessons in life? Share in the comments below!

Ladies and Company